If you haven’t read number 6 yet do so first -I’m posting both entries today as I’m away for the weekend -sorry for the confusion!
Like a fly in a web resistance was futile.
I returned after my weekend away, with my puppy under one arm, my holdall under the other and an awful lot on my mind ~ Ray had managed to slip into the weekend conversation that I would be more than welcome to reside with him at Plough Hall Farm…the offer of a worry-free existance was certainly something worth contemplating.
For all who have difficulty coping in the real world the J.A does seem quite an appealing alternative, but surely, things would get better eventually if only I persevered?
I attended a few more meetings at ‘Goldsword’. And then I made a decision that would screw me up in the head for the next few years…
What was there to stay here for? Who cared if I went away for a while..or forever…? Wouldn’t it make everyones lives far easier without me around?
I took Ray up on his offer.
I didn’t have very much money and winter was fast approaching. I knew that I wouldn’t have the right clotehs to live on farm, something had to give. I sold my picture disc LP of Ozzy Osbourne, also the ring that I’d aquired from him through a mutual acquaintance, a family heriloom cameo ring that was sold to a lady wanting to buy it as a gift for her grandaughter (it had been given me by my own deceased grandmother who I loved beyond life and I sold it for £8 -makes me feel sick when I think about it now).
I bought lot’s of jumpers and jeans. There was no place for sentimentality. I took everything that I had that had any monetary value.
When I arrived they took my posessions from me, shortly afterwards I was encouraged to burn all of things which held some sentimaental value. I remember watching as the teddy I’d had for 19 years, threadbare and well loved, went up in smoke. Was it the smoke or that sharp pang of regret that bought a tear rolling down my face?
A week later as I lay in bed early one morning in the room I shared with my ‘Sister’ Donna, I heard a noise outside. Muffled voices and a yelp. I stood on my bed to look out of the only window overlooking the front entrance that was placed on the slope of the roof…and I watched as Ray bundled my darling little puppy into the boot of the car…I was distraught and indignant, but despite my protestations and pleas for Paddington’s return, I never did find out what had become of her…
To be Continued…