Taken from a Scottish Parish Newsletter;
we are sure that you have come across our extremely successful products already. Among our lines are Cardboard Police Cars to discourage speeding and Cardboard Policemen to deter shoplifters, as well as other standard lines. Following the success of these, we are pleased to announce that we can now supply Cardboard Clergy.
The Cardboard Priest is invaluable to hard pressed Clergy who need a holiday. It is life sized and comes in ‘Progressive’, ‘Middle of the Road’, and ‘Tridentine’ models. It is especially effective when stood behind the Lectern. Field trials have shown that when a Cardboard Priest was installed without the Congregation knowing, 40 % of those later questioned had noticed no difference, while 25% said there had been a considerable improvement.
Soon we hope to have available a Cardboard Bishop which can be placed in the Diocese while the real Bishop is away in Rome. Trial models have been installed for some time in the Bishops’ Conference without being detected. One is even said to have made a short, excellent speech, which was actually related to it’s topic.
Work on the Cardboard Dean has unfortunately been abandoned. Market Research has shown that since nobody knows what they are for, or wants the real thing, there would not be much demand for the Cardboard substitute.
Our Cardboard Congregation is, on the other hand, now on the market, and selling well. It’s response to Homilies is indistinguishable from the real thing, and it has the positive advantage that when volunteers are called for, nobody makes a dash for the door.
In some churches there has even been a marked improvement in the singing.
We commend our quality products for your consideration and hope you will find that they are just what you are looking for.
C. Board, Marketing Director.