Until a few months ago, I used to have my homepage set to my blogs home page. I used to like seeing if people had left comments etc. Then it started to upset me, that every time I went online, the words greeting me each day were the words, ‘Rest in Peace Dearest Dad’.
It’s not as though it’s something i need reminding of… and i didn’t have the inclination to write a blog post so i just changed my home page. But then for the last couple of months it’s been easy to avoidmy blog altogether, and I was toying with the idea of just not bothering to come back…everything looks lacklustre beneath the veil of mourning…triviality and meaninglessness are things to despise when pain knows no bounds.
But then not everything has to be deep and heavy, does it?
So I found myself here this evening, unexpectedly really…and decided to write a post to say whatever it is that i’m trying to say.
I have some apologies to make…i have recieved some lovely, caring emails from some lovely, caring blog buds and i have not got around to responding because i didn’t really feel up to it i guess. So Lorna, Alexa & Suz, Shell please accept my apologies. Apologies in advance if i am missing anyone out, i don’t mean to…i just have a poor memory. That you thought of me while i was absent from the blogosphere, was very much appreciated.
I’ll end this by saying that a few weeks ago, myself, Mum, my children and my brother, all went to a place of personal significance to us and to our dear departed loved one…and while there, we scattered Dad’s ashes….we said a prayer and then each threw a rose on the river.
Glancing at the calendar on my laptop as i write this, i realise that it is 3 months since Dad died. If absence makes the heart grow fonder then my heart could not hold more love for him or miss him more.
But it is the way of things that life continues without each of us…we only play our part in this great extravaganza of living for a short while, until we too must take our final bow…and for every pull of the heart towards oblivion when darkness has us in its clutches, there is still an identifiable will to survive and overcome.
Laughter escapes our mouths even in the midst of grief…sometimes at the most innappropriate times…and enjoyment, though perhaps tainted, can still be had…the various machinations that conspire to awaken us, to move us through each day and motivate us toward living don’t just do so as for an automoton…
There is meaning and purpose in living, it is called love….and it goes on beyond the grave.
I’ve been waiting patiently for your return – I have missed you, my friend. I know all too well of the grief you are feeling, and how it envelopes our being and makes us numb and unable to do things that we once used to find enjoyment in doing. I have kept you and your family ever close in my prayers – for I do love you, even though I have never physically met you. You have written a poignant, beautiful, and powerful post, Deb. God bless.
I, too, have been waiting for your return, but maybe not so patiently. Knowing the pain that one experiences when one loses a parent, I have worried about you. You and your family remain in my prayers and I have trusted that God would hold you tight in His arms.
You have been missed, and are always held in prayers.
No matter what, you’re in the prayers of lots of folks who’ve come to be acquainted with you and your family through your blog. Prayers continue for all of you and especially for the memory of your Dad. My Dad died far too young of cancer 28 years ago, my first wife 16 years ago – you never lose sight of them but sometimes you wonder what things might be like were they still with us! In the end it’s all about the love. Amen!
God bless you Deb, your mum and family. Remembering often here across the pond.
Thinking of you and your family and still praying. X
Glad to hear from you; I have been thinking of your dad
God bless
XXXX
Have missed you and know that it is grand to have been able to visit here today!
Good to see you back!
Dear Deb!
Your new post was like seeing a bright yellow tulip coming out of the winter soaked earth. Welcome back. I loved this post. You write so beautifully. Keep it coming.
Love,
Alexa
It is delightful to see you posting again, and know that in the midst of your grief, you are loved and prayed for.
Deb!
I was about to go to bed. I was not going to check your blog again for awhile..something said..oh..go check! Something must have been someone..some spirit…your or my guardian angel..who knows? I’m just happy I found you tonight!
Suzanne
Love is like that..happy to find…no matter how far away and in a way, our friendship and yours with others here is spiritual..very much so, since physical has not really been very possible..living so far from one another. Hello again, dear friend.
Yes, yes Love does go beyond the grave!! That is why after the death of my baby and also my mom, the cemetery has become one of my favorite spots – seeing what people have left to commemorate their loved ones and to see the beautiful greenery an Christmas or Easter decorations just affirms this. Great post Deb!
And as a side note from someone who has lost both parents – it will get better. The grief will lesson and the love and good memories will fill that space. You grieve because you love – not such a bad thing really. {{{{hugs for you!}}}}
Happy Birthday Deb!!
I’m so chuffed to bits that you’re writing again. I’ll take what I can get, love.
My recent scare w/ my mum had me in a weird place last week. I took Christian (my youngest) to Seattle for two weeks to help her readjust to home life w/ dad. She was in hospital w/ complications of her heart (not serious, thank goodness; just high potassium – it was actually dangerously high) after a broken shoulder fall three days prior to her admission. It’s terrible to see them age – and break down – but we must give them the best we can while they are here. I’m so grateful to have had the chance to help my parents (when dad was struck w/ cancer and two heart attacks in the last few years, I was unable to go back – but fortunately, he survived all). Still, his life is ever fragile as he nears 70. I love my dad so very much – so my heart reaches out to you, because of course you miss him . . . of course you love him more!!! Wishing you much Aloha and peace of heart.
Welcome back, and my condolences to you and your family on the loss of your father’s immediate presence. He is, as you yourself have probably said, in a far better place and advocating for you and your children even more efficaciously. Oh, but it’s so hard.. I know. I’m terribly sorry for your loss. Hang in there.
What a beautiful post, Deb. Very beautiful. You have been in my prayers. God bless your dear dad, you and your family. Heaven awaits us. Can’t wait to meet your beloved dad. Take good care of yourself, OK?
*hugs*
HI Deborah,
Thank you for such a supportive blog! Could you kindly remove the prayer request dated May 1, 2008 at 2:35pm from Colleen? This inadvertently disclosed personal information.
Just checking in to say hello, and I think of you and your family often. Blessings and peace,
Renee
just misses you!
Hi Deborah, Sorry for your loss.
Still miss you, Deborah.
Hi Deb,
Just wanted to say hello and I hope you, your children and mum are well. I still think of you all often. I also pray for you dear dad.
sending love and hugs.
let us know how you’re doing when you get a chance.
lots of love
God bless
xxxx
Amen
bless you sister
Gosh, it’s been a long time. God bless you Deb and your family. I think one of the reasons I think of you in the middle of the night (I’m often up when I want to be asleep) is the time zone difference Probably makes it easier on God for transferring the prayers.
Missing you and wondering how you are doing, Deb. Love, Val
Where is the Lord’s Will calling you?
Sill missing you, Deb, and keeping you close in prayer. I just wanted to let you know that Barbara’s father just passed away a few days ago. She and I are friends on Facebook. Do you have my email? If so, please contact me. Love, Val