Is there an italian equivalent to My Big Fat Greek Wedding?…perhaps one of my other favourites…”I love you to Death”, with Kevin Kline?
So, we are exiting the church after Mass yesterday morning, when from behind us I hear a shout…
I turn to see an italian looking grandma-type waving her walking stick at me….I’m thinking, did I acidentally trip her up…do I have my knickers showing…what???
I turn and smile, she bids me to come to her and to the others who are with her…so myself and the children walk over to them….
“What was it you take Offertory up for…?” the lady asks her face unnervingly close to my own.
“Hmm…I’m not sure I understand….d’you mean, what intention?”, I ask, thrown off guard by her question.
“Eee-yes!” She exclaims, nodding her head vigorously.
“I’m not sure”,I reply…wondering if this is a trick question or if I should have known, (but don’t)…I continue” there was no family to take it up and Eric asked myself and my daughter to take it”
“OHHHHH!…I zeeee” she nods satisfactorily.
“Ok, then“..I make to turn, relieved…it’s a little intense…
“Eh….what’s your name” she asks. Now I’m puzzled.
“Deborah” …I respond, almost asking rather than telling…wondering if there can be a wrong answer to such a question as informing someone about your own name…
“No, that not what I mean… you were married to italiano, what is name?”….the penny drops.
“OHHHHH, my surname is *******” ..I smile.
“Ahh, you were married to one of the ******’s”
(you’d think I had mafia connections…)
“yes, that’s right…***“, I smile…which I have learned to do well after 6 years of not living in the same house as the aforementioned.
“ahhh…ok” ..she turns her head to one side…i’m not sure whether to stay or go, so I attempt to leave…
“No, wait…!” she continues… “You still keep touch ?”
“No, not really…which is a shame because I got on better with his mother than I did with him” ….THAT WAS THE WRONG THING TO SAY….blank expressions ensue…
“So” I venture, intrigued…” if I may ask… who are you”
“Ah, we have been talking about you, I told my friend here that you were a *******, didn’t I???” Old lady turns to less old friend and the young girl with her…and gives an ‘I told you so look’
Old lady’s friend “EEEYYYEEESSS, you told me so!”
“Yes, we were talking about you,yes.. we are friends of the *******’*”
“Oh, I see”
They turn their attention to my son… PHEW!
“who is boy?” the old lady asks.
“this is Wonderboy, our son“, I answer proudly.
“you and ***’s son?”, she asks.
“Yes, that’s right”
“Ah, he’s BEAUTIFUL!…I kiss him!!!!”, she say’s enthusiastically.
kissy kissy follows….which stuns Wonderboy 😀
And then she turn’s to my daughter…
“Ah, and who is the girl?”
“This is my daughter, Primadonna“, I smile, equally proudly (hey, my children are my two greatest achievments, give me a break!)
“Ah, she beautiful too….I kiss!…old lady takes daughters head in hands….
Friend of elderly lady shouts;
“No, No, No…is not ***’s daughter“…..she starts to wave her finger around….gesturing the number 1 as she says “One child !!! *** only has one child with the mother!!!”
The elderly lady withdrew slightly, wisely sensed the discomfort of the situation, and then said…
“Oh, nevermind… I kiss you anyway!”
Gotta love them Italians!