I’m not around today, because I am here, well there actually. The land of puke inducing, electrifying, nappy filing rides. I have been forced to tag along with a group of ten year olds in my sons school class, to a day at Alton Towers.
When I say ‘forced’, that’s not to imply that anyone else had a hand in making me go. But here was the alternative…1 man supervising a heap of school children in a busy Theme park. Every mothers nightmare.
Wonderboy desperately wanted to be allowed to go rather than be excluded, but how much of an equation is it? I mean really…how long did you think it took me to say ,”NO WAY!”
Days of mental anguish followed as my son stropped around the house trying to make me feel like a bad Mum…I wanted to say ‘yes’, but I couldn’t help but stop my mind racing through possible scenarios of what could happen to him if I allowed him to go to England’s biggest Fright Park (practically unsupervised)..because if anyone could get lost trying to stay safe, it would be my boy.
1. He could be abducted by a psycho.
2. He could wander off at the first glimpse of a stick of candyfloss or a McDonalds sign.
3. He could get lost and not be missed
4. He could get lost, be missed, but not found.
5. He could get lost -and because I’ve told him not to talk to strangers – he might not tell anyone that he is lost and he might be stuck in the park until I rescue him…which conjures up mental images off him shivvering under a bush trying to stay warm and eating scraps from a park bin when evening falls and the park is empty..and when I finally get poast the security guards..he will have fallen to sleep, or worse, and then he won’t hear me…and the security guards will think i’m neurotic and dismiss me and throw me from the park.
6. He may be abducted by a psycho.
(yes, I already said that, I know)
I explained my concerns to Wonderboy (not the pshycho bit) and unspurpisingly he didn’t take it too well. So, I felt guilty for being a bundle of neuroses and I made a deal with him. I then telephoned the organiser of the trip and told him I’d be tagging along too if that was OK. He reassured me that he would be able to look after (there are about 23 in the class) the children. I said;
‘I’d like (small lie) to help you look after all those children anyway!’.
So that’s it. I’m going too.
But now I’m worried about other issues, like;
1. what if the safety bar won’t go over my enormous belly and I get booted off the rides and everyone laughs at me (10 year olds can be nasty y’know!) ?
2. what if I can’t squeeze through the turnstiles at the Theme Park entrance and my mother-master-plan is foiled?
3. what if I throw up while on some death-cheat rollercoaster and the kids laugh at me ?-That’s it…I’m not going on anything more hair raising than a kiddie tea cup ride!
I hope I get to go on the ‘bumping cars’ though…that’s how I learned to drive.