Call me weird, but…


Recent occurances inspire me to blog this, so please be patient. I’d be glad of your thoughts at the end if you want to offer them…

I have to tread carefully here because I have no wish to cause offence, but need to be clear about a couple of things. First, I’ll state what is obvious to anyone who visit’s my blog with any frequency…I’m a single mother. So was Mary, initally, so I’m in good company(I’m still waiting for my St. Joseph 🙂 . The point of my mentioning this is that I’m sure you will appreciate that being in such a situation automatcally disposes a person to cautiousness.

The fact is that I have, over the years that I’ve been online in forums or on the previous blogs that I have had, built up some really great friendships. Occasionally these internet friendships spill over into real life. They become tangible relationships in the form of people bothering to take some time out of their busy day to write real letters or cards, or even to pick up the phone to hear my voice (or me their’s -you get the idea) ~ I have a few such friends as these. We share our lives with one another on another level, and though oceans may separate us, we have developed trust and true friendship over the years.

I must stress that I value all the friendship’s that I have made with everyone who visits my blog and the owners of the blogs I visit, but for the purpose of this post I am making a distinction. Friendship that spills over into real life takes time to develop. Particularly if you have reason to be cautious and are perhaps vulnerable, like me.

So? What is all this leading to? You may well ask, I’ve almost forgotten myself.

A couple of things happened fairly recently that I need to let you know about, to help you make some sense of this post. The first is that through some means I am unaware of, mail arrived at a relative’s house, addressed to me. The mail was inoffensive, but I was disturbed that I had gone to what could be considered ‘unfriendly’ lengths to ensure that the sender of this particular piece of mail, did not become aware of my home address or anyone else connected with me in any way. How this person discovered the address of a relative of mine is therefore a mystery since to my knowledge they did not have access to even my surname.

I was very concerned because this particular person has a bit of a bogus personality. Through various means I was made aware a long time ago, that this particular person was not all that they claimed to be, and in fact it was very unsettling to discover the many lies this person told. No friendship could develop between us because there was no trust and therefore I could not, would not, issue personal information of my whereabouts to that person.

On another matter, not entirely unrelated, though certainly not as alarming in nature;

I have received at various times, emails and comments from people asking to meet me. I find this flattering, I can’t deny it. But the issues of vulnerability are no less real for me given my personal situation.

You know when you blog for a while, you kind of get glimpses of peoples personalities. People who you thought were terse and uncommunicative reveal a different side to themselves you never would have known existed, or perhaps those who on the surface seem genuine and kind hearted send nasty emails and threaten to kill your cat when they’re pre-menstrual…you get the gist?

I don’t have a cat so I’m not particularly worried…oh, what am I saying, sure I have a cat! And I don’t live in a house with a green door….

Anyway. You learn to read people a bit better over a period of time. Some can’t be figured out at all, some are completely frustrating. Some you would like to get to know better, but the feeling isn’t reciprocated! Getting to know people online can be confusing, but it can also be a source of great joy. But whatever it is, it can not be denied, that sometimes it’s just plain wierd.

What I’m getting at is that for me, it takes time to build up trust. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not antisocial. If you lived in my parish, and you went along to Mass with me, that’d be different, we would socialise on an entirely different level, but that isn’t what I’m talking about. And by now I think you have gleaned as much.

So, can you see where I’m coming from when I say that despite valuing all (okay, most) contribution’s to my blog and being thankful of a persons interest in me and in what I write, I don’t feel comfortable about meeting up for coffee with someone I barely know (especially those who let me know the day before that they’re coming to my town -sorry. I don’t want to hurt feelings here, but I just can’t do it. Get to know me better and maybe in 2007 😉 ~ I’m fooling with you of course, but you catch my drift, right?

I want to say ‘it’s nothing personal’ – and yet, it’s entirely personal. I know that it’s probably me who ‘they’ should be scared of and not the other way around, but what can I say…I’m neurotic, you should know that already…

God Bless.

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18 Responses to Call me weird, but…

  1. Ginny says:

    It is smart to be cautious when meeting anyone. Just as in prayer, we can’t expect an answer right away. These things take time. I would have a pretty long trip to meet you for coffee (actually I prefer tea), seeing that I am a million miles away. Maybe in 2020 I would be able too! LOL I enjoy your site very much and your humor is quite fun as well. I will prayer that no one does you any harm. God Bless

  2. My Kid's Mom says:

    I’m kind of wondering if I know the person who sent you the mail. . . Yes, it is VERY wise to be cautious, period.

    So, does this mean that I have to give you a two month notice before I come to England (which probably won’t be for at least 5 more years)??

    Anyway, I know exactly what you’re talking about – so keep your guard up! Trust is something that is earned over time.

  3. Suzanne says:

    Take care UKOK…you are sensible.
    God bless you.

  4. ~m2~ says:

    so if i was in the neighborhood and gave you a ring, you’d make me come back in 2007?

    *sigh* there goes my day’s plans…

    i think it best to be cautious and definitely sensible. it is not neurotic. save neurosis for another time, you are a mum and you need to be careful, very careful and quite prudent.

    (serious, 2007, even for me??)

  5. ukok says:

    Darlings, I was joking about the 2007…I thought you’d realise that, I guess I should have put in one of those winkie smilies 😀

    I’ll edit the post!

    God Bless.

  6. see-through faith says:

    It is wise to be cautious.

    That said, even real life friendships aren’t always for ever. They too are based on trust and when trust is broken .. 😦 it hurts becasue they were close.

    I would probably meet you for a coffee with only a few hours notice, but in a public place and after telling people where I was doing and who I was meeting. I’m not particularly extravert eitehr, but like to hear what people sound like, especially their laugh – I’m a bit phone phobic so meeting in a cafe is less tramatic than picking up the phone!

    I have a dream though – a silly one – I’d like to arrive unannounced at people’s place of worship and surprise them AFTER the service. Never done it though and probably never will. .. so don’t live in fear

  7. ukok says:

    Lorna, I’d love to see you after Mass! I’d never fear that 🙂

    God Bless.

  8. Hector says:

    Great news! I called the airline and they let me cancel my flight with no charge as long as I use the tickets by December, 2007! This is within the window of opportunity, so I might be ok!! 🙂

    In all seriousness, I was thinking that even in “physical life” it may be uncomfortable to meet work acquaintances socially, or church friends at home, or other situations. With on-line it is even more difficult! Your cautiosness is defintely warranted!

  9. Barbara says:

    Me call you weird? Never – I would have to remove the plank from my own eye first!!!!

    Seriously, I had the chance to meet someone in the summer for coffee who I knew from blogging but it did not actually happen in the end – I had mixed and very surprising feelings when it didn’t happen..

    Not even sure where in the UK you are but I would be “game” if you find yourself in South Wales…

  10. Lisa says:

    I hear ya!

    I’ve been cheering Hector on to have the First Annual Blogger-Friends Reunion, but I honestly think it would be so scary to REALLY meet everyone.

    I’m sorry that someone was able to find an address for you. THIS IS SCARY!!!

    Now, I don’t think you would ever have to be scared of me. I don’t think I’d have to be scared of you. Unless, you’re really a tall, gay, Alaskan who thrives on pretending to be a short, straight, Englishwoman.

    See you in 2007! hhahahahaha..

  11. Lisa says:

    Going back to this post today, I finally realized what the picture is on this post. YOU ARE TOO FUNNY! Thanks for the laugh today!
    Epiphany Blessings to you!

  12. Anonymous says:

    If you’re talking about me, I’d appreciate the opportunity to put your mind at ease:

    1) I wanted to send you a Christmas card BECAUSE YOU SENT ME ONE! It was the first one to arrive.

    2) I looked up your address in the phone directory.

    3) I know your surname because it showed up when I bought you a book about the Catholic faith from your Amazon wishlist.

    4) If someone’s told you I’m a split-personality psychopath, the sensible thing would have been to ask me. Please be assured that I have encountered several, but am not one myself.

    5) I hope slandering me in public made you feel better about yourself. It’s made me feel like shite.

    Erm…. God bless?

  13. Anonymous says:

    You know – it’s true that you get to know people better over time. I always thought of you as a sad, lonely, paranoid housewife. I thought it’s be nice to send you a Christmas card, to let you know I remembered you.

    Now of course, I realise you’re a sad, lonely, paranoid housewife with a grossly inflated sense of self-importance (if you were genuinely scared you wouldn’t have blogged about receiving a Christmas card, right?). It’s a sad revelation.

    Whilst I can (and do!) apologise for sending the card to the wrong address, I can’t apologise for your accusatory, paranoid behaviour. I can only assure you that I have much better things to do with my time than stalk a sad, lonely, paranoid, accusatory housewife.

    Rest assured also that I will never again make the mistake of trying to be kind to someone I met on the internet. This was the second time I’d done so, and the second absolute disaster.

    God bless?

  14. ukok says:

    ‘If’

    It’s is a small word with a whole lot of meaning.

    I know who you are… and I hope that your ‘outrageous comments’ have made you feel a whole heap better.

    God Bless?

    Of course I ask for God’s Blessings upon all of humanity. The Sun shines both on the righteous and unrighteous.

  15. Anonymous says:

    No, I don’t feel ‘a heap better’ – I feel pretty awful really. But if my ‘outrageous comments’ got the message across that I was making an effort to be kind to you (as opposed to spending my valuable time stalking a stranger and being worthy of psychopath status) then they were definitely worthwhile.

    …and I hope we don’t have our wires crossed here, because your comment “I know who you are” doesn’t fit the bill here.

    You know who I am because you know my full name, my occupation, my home and work addresses, and because I signed the Christmas card I sent! I’m wondering whether this is all some weird and bizarre mistake now.

    Fortunately for both of us, the sun shines on both the righteous and unrighteous 😉

    God bless

  16. ukok says:

    Anon,

    So. Just to clarify;

    You have made the following statements to/about me;

    Anon writes:

    “If you’re talking about me, I’d appreciate the opportunity to put your mind at ease:

    1) I wanted to send you a Christmas card BECAUSE YOU SENT ME ONE! It was the first one to arrive.

    2) I looked up your address in the phone directory.

    3) I know your surname because it showed up when I bought you a book about the Catholic faith from your Amazon wishlist.

    4) If someone’s told you I’m a split-personality psychopath, the sensible thing would have been to ask me. Please be assured that I have encountered several, but am not one myself.

    5) I hope slandering me in public made you feel better about yourself. It’s made me feel like shite.

    Erm…. God bless? “

    and you also write;

    “You know – it’s true that you get to know people better over time. I always thought of you as a sad, lonely, paranoid housewife. I thought it’s be nice to send you a Christmas card, to let you know I remembered you.

    Now of course, I realise you’re a sad, lonely, paranoid housewife with a grossly inflated sense of self-importance (if you were genuinely scared you wouldn’t have blogged about receiving a Christmas card, right?). It’s a sad revelation.

    Whilst I can (and do!) apologise for sending the card to the wrong address, I can’t apologise for your accusatory, paranoid behaviour. I can only assure you that I have much better things to do with my time than stalk a sad, lonely, paranoid, accusatory housewife.

    Rest assured also that I will never again make the mistake of trying to be kind to someone I met on the internet. This was the second time I’d done so, and the second absolute disaster.

    God bless? “

    and finish up by saying;

    “No, I don’t feel ‘a heap better’ – I feel pretty awful really. But if my ‘outrageous comments’ got the message across that I was making an effort to be kind to you (as opposed to spending my valuable time stalking a stranger and being worthy of psychopath status) then they were definitely worthwhile.

    …and I hope we don’t have our wires crossed here, because your comment “I know who you are” doesn’t fit the bill here.

    You know who I am because you know my full name, my occupation, my home and work addresses, and because I signed the Christmas card I sent! I’m wondering whether this is all some weird and bizarre mistake now.

    Fortunately for both of us, the sun shines on both the righteous and unrighteous 😉

    God bless “

    ________________________________________________________________
    My response to you is this;

    It is glaringly obvious that even if I didn’t originally have any cause for concern about your personality and even if the original post had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with you as an individual (and who say’s it does? – I can tell you for a fact that my relatives have passed on to me more than one piece of mail from cyber ‘friends’ who were not given any other means of contacting me)

    …Don’t you think I’d be perfectly justified in finding your completely unsupported and slanderous accusations ‘alarming’ – to say the very least? I think what I have witnessed here is evidence enough to make a judgement about your personality, has it not?

    Goodness Anon, this topic was never intended to be a personal vendetta against anyone, rather a mere expression of my own personal concern, on my own personal blog, mentioning NO names, hinting at NO place where this ‘person’ could be contacted.

    I suggest you let it drop. Or get help of some kind.

    I have requested that you use the email facility if you wish to rant further, I hold to that. Failure to do so will necessitate that I take further action. Whether that means in identifying you here, banning your IP address or whatever else becomes necessary.

    And just for the record, for someone who claims to be a responsible, professional individual, tell me how you made the enormous leap that this had anything at all to do with you on the basis of my posting about a ‘bogus’ personality?

    How would you know or could you know, that I was indicating you (whether I was or wasn’t is irrelevant at this point, since you assumed it to be about you)…things that make you go hmmm…

  17. Anonymous says:

    Apologies – I thought I’d answered that already, but let me clarify:

    I received your card, wanted to send one in return, didn’t know your address but did know your name… then saw this, worried that I’d scared you, and wanted to let you know that I was just trying to be kind.

    Also, to remind you that I knew your name from when I bought you a book – not through any other means.

    It was all a mistake – both trying to get a Christmas card to you, and trying to clarify my intentions here. I’m sorry you didn’t like the card. I made a mistake in judgement and will never do anything of the kind again.

    PS – IP ban me if you like. I have no intention to stalk you. I was pointed here by someone else, and have no intention to return.

  18. ukok says:

    Emma, you weren’t worried that you scared me. You ‘called me names’ and accused me of being a ‘sad, paranoid, housewife’. Which incidentally is completely unfounded and untrue.

    Re-read your comments and you may see the vitriolic nature of what you have written.

    The IP ban suggestion was for continued posts in that vein. I have no problem with you commenting here if you adhere to the general blog rule of commenting with civility etc.

    God Bless.

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