I found a lump in my breast a few years ago and was referrred to the hospital for tests. On the day of the appointment Mum came with me to keep me company and to offer support. After mamograms, scans and even a needle biopsy (without anaesthetic! ouch!) we sat around in the waiting area for hours on end awaiting the results. One by one the people who had crowded the area to overflowing, went home…until finally it was just me and Mum.
I had, by this time convinced myself that I had advanced breast cancer and the doctors were waiting for the non cancerous patients to leave first so that they could break it to me…and so that my wailing (no quiet dignity here folks) would not distress them.
As I sat there I worked (and reworked) out the words in my head, the ‘break it to the children’ speech… I thought about how cluttered my house was and how much work it would be for my parents to pack up our family belongings once I wasn’t around…(why oh why can’t I be ‘into’ minimalism?)…. I thought about the children being separated from one another….surely Wonderboy would live with his Dad, Primadonna would live with my parents….HOW could they be separated when they needed one another? What if the communications between my ex and my parents took a nosedive? What use was it dying when I needed to be around until at least the children were grown into adulthood?
See, single parents think this way. We have no choice. Everything changes when the parent with full parental responsibility, passes on.
I hadn’t said a word of this to Mum. But I thought I’d better prepare her before we were called through.
“Mum, if anything happens….”, I said.
“It’ll be okay”, she smiled through teary eyes.
“Okay”, I said, and swallowed hard.
And then at last I was called through.
We went together, Mum and me.
“Mrs S.”, said the Doctor, “you have an unexplained mass in your breast…. but the tests show nothing sinister as far as we can tell. Keep a check on things and get back to your doctors if there is more pain or discomfort. You may go home now”.
Oh, the relief.
I still get a bit upset from time to time thinking about how important it is for me to be around for the kid’s (oh the pressure to not die for a while!!!) but I know that it’s all in God’s hands and that all will work together for the Glory of God. Why worry about those things that are beyond my control?
Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? Mathew 6:27
Awaiting test results can be a time of considerable anxiety for many. Please, therefore, may I ask that you remember in your prayers our dear friend, Valerie who is awaiting test results (I do not know the nature of Val’s tests). Thank you.