Online Dating worked for me!

…. and it worked not by fulfilling it’s goal of introducing me to someone who I could be a ‘success story’ with, but because it helped me to understand that it was most definately not for me!!!

One of the areas of my life that I have found consistantly difficult to entrust to the Lord, is that of my unmarried state.

A few years ago I believed that the Lord was calling me to be open to the possibility of a relationship – dun-dun-dun….with a man! Up to that point I had been plodding along quite contentedly, licking the wounds that had been left as welts upon me from my annulled marriage, years before. However, being cursed with impatience, once having discerned this, I thought I’d take up the recomendation of a friend to join an online dating agency.

So I joined a couple of Catholic singles sites. I even had a cyber friendship with one man who seemed quite nice. After three months of almost daily contact (online) it came to crunch time. What were we doing? How insane was it to anticipate one anothers emails a couple of times a day and yet not know one another at all really? I didn’t do that old ‘You’ve got Mail’ – shall we meet? thing. But I did ask a couple of questions that would help us to decide where we both wanted to go with ‘it’. Whatever ‘it’ was, which wasn’t much of anything in the scheme of things, but you know…a gal’s gotta know if she’s wasting her time.

And then he dropped the bombshell.

He told me that it was about time he came clean about himself if we were going to continue getting to know one another better. He told me that he liked me a lot and enjoyed our friendship and that he couldn’t keep this thing from me anymore.He was honest enough to inform me that he’d been growing illegal substances in his kitchen for over 20 years and that not only was he a regular dope smoker, but that he had sold drugs to other people. He also informed me that he was addicted to pain meds and was in danger of losing his teaching job, his home, everything.

Now from his profile image, his profile and his articulate writing style, you would never have thought this was the same guy as the one who was telling me all this…I actually was drawn to respond to him initially because of the beautiful way that he wrote about his faith, the Mass, the Sacraments etc…..but what bites most is that he contacted me ….. and my profile clearly stated that I wasn’t looking for a casual relationship; that I had children and hence, had their wellbeing to consider and that only a man who would embrace being a part of a ready made family, who was mature and responsible and devoutly Catholic, need ‘apply’. (I didn’t write it quite like that, but you get my drift don’t you? ie, no time wasters please!)

Well, I guess I learned a few things about both him and me. There were other men after that who showed some interest, some of them were even married men presenting themselves as single, believe it or not. It was horrendous! I reported the jokers and then I quit membership of both sites and never went back. I was not impressed. I recall saying to God,

‘why did you let me think there was someone out there just for me’,

and maybe it was me answering myself or God answering me, but I remember thinking

“but God never told you to go looking, he only asked you to open your heart, so quit it with the impatience already!”

Now, I don’t doubt that such sites can fascilitate communication and that such communication can lead to relationships. But it just wasn’t for me. There were so many nights I stayed up till the early hours chatting on msn to guys, and you know what, it achieved precisely nothing aside from a ruddy big migraine…because you can’t make something happen when there’s nothing there to start with. Hopes and dreams do not a marriage make. Impatience can not a relationship make, unless you are willing to make a bad match and hence a bad marriage in which case it is not a pledge from the heart of Thy will be done, but a case of My will be done. Been there, done that, could write a book about it. Don’t wanna do that anymore.

I’ll admit that this all sounds rather ridiculous now, looking back on it with the benefit of hindsight, but at the time, never having done the online dating thing before, I found it all strangely appealing. I mean, I didn’t even have to get dressed up and go on a date! I could sit here in my pyjamas at the computer, munching my way through a multi pack of Walkers Crisps and he’d never even know I hadn’t combed my hair that day! Sounds like the ideal relationship, huh!?

Well, where’s this all going?

Oh yeah. So I was reading Warren’s post the other day and it made for interesting reading…. he wrote about single men of his/our age group needing to be more open to meeting ladies who are in their late thirties and in their forties and not always looking for a younger woman. I liked his line of thinking because I’d encountered on the two Catholic singles sites I’d joined, a lot of men who wanted to meet ‘attractive/young/fertile women without children and definately no previous marrieds pulllease!’…on the forums at both catholic singles sites I was on, the men were VERY outspoken about their list of requirements in a woman and yet they were usually the men who had kid’s themselves and were the least attractive in both physical appearance and attitiude.

What I pointed out to Warren in his combox is that men might also consider that the women they meet of a similar age to their own, especially our age group, will invariably already have children from previous relationships and may not be able to have more children. This is a big turn off for a lot of guys though. I know this is true because a lotta guys have told me so. Their loss.

And then a couple of days back I was reading Ginny’s beautiful post about waiting for her future spouse, and today I was reading Dawn Eden’s post in which she gave some interesting advice about putting this area of our life into the care of the Lord and not staying up chatting on msn to potential hubbie wanabees until the wee small hours because let’s face it, in all likelihood, it just ain’t happening…..anyway, it bought back all these memories and hence this post! Isn’t it just your lucky day?

You may also remember my recent post on Henri Nouwen and how I was loving what I was reading by him. Well last week I started reading ‘Reaching Out’ and just a few pages in I read;

“It is sad to see how sometimes people suffering from loneliness….. search for a final solution for their pains and search for a new friend, a new lover, a new community, with Messianic expectations. Although their mind knows their self-deceit, their hearts keep saying, ‘Maybe this time I have found what I have knowingly or unknowingly been searching for’.”

Just wow!

And then there was something else that happened on retreat this past weekend that kind of ties this whole thing together. I prayed for my future spouse at Mass (I often do though I don’t know if I’ll be blessed with one) and later in the afternoon, what did Bishop McGough start his talk to us by reading?

Isaiah 54:4-5

“Fear not, you shall not be put to shame; you need not blush, for you shall not be disgraced. The shame of your youth you shall forget, the reproach of your widowhood no longer remember.

For he who has become your husband is your Maker; his name is the LORD of hosts; Your redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, called God of all the earth.”

Now of course, I know that any Bible commentary will tell you that this is about Israel,but what it won’t tell you is that it’s also about me. True fulfilment can be found only in the Lord, not in a man. And only when I’m satisfied in the Lord alone am I truly ready to become a wife.

I have been reasonably (which means that sometimes I am not always this clear thinking about this area of my life and am still very impatient about the ‘waiting on God’s time’) contentedly single since ditching the online dating ‘rink’ a couple of years ago, but even so it’s always good to have something reaffirmed, because there are times when my mind wanders and I wonder just what God’s plan is for my life and where this journey will take me next.

All in God’s time, all in God’s time.

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27 Responses to Online Dating worked for me!

  1. Pingback: Relationship » Online Dating worked for me!

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  4. Scott says:

    I think you summed it up beautifully at the end, in God’s time…

    I honestly feel for the dope smoker (being retired from that biz some 11+ yrs ago myself). I guess I can somewhat identify with him. My prayer is that he finds help before he destroys more lives. It’s amazing to me how people can compartmentalize their lives to the point of growing stuff/selling stuff and then attending, loving even publicly praising Mass.

    Sorry the online dating things was a bummer… Although ya got my attention with the Walkers. I love their shortbread cookies, oh man buttery, flaky/crumbly, barely sweet mmmmmmm (I am of Scottish descent, aye that!)

    Anyhow, hang in there Deb 🙂 I know, easy enough for a “struggling to be happily married guy” to say. Relationships are wonderful, but being married is the most difficult thing I have ever done, and I pray daily for the strength not to give up. It’s not really that bad, but some days it seems that way!

    God Bless

  5. Alexa says:

    Dear Deb – Beautifully written. I am always personally frustrated about beautiful people being alone – and I can’t understand it – unless God wants them all to Himself… which may be what you’re saying… I am very happily married – as you know – but spouses can’t fill the void meant for God – and sometimes I spend way more time trying to fill It with other things – in fact, MOST time I do – God bless you. You are such a smart woman too.

  6. seekeruk says:

    A very interesting post!

    My daughter – who at almost 27 has never had a long-term relationship – has been through many of the same experiences via internet dating sites. A couple of months ago, she thought she had met a really nice guy on a Catholic site – but just as she was actually considering meeting him, he announced he had chosen somebody else! And earlier this year, she started chatting to an Anglican vicar through the same Catholic site: by a bizaare coincidence, it turned out that she had actually met him in real life! She was disappointed though to read that, although this guy seemed for some reason to feel that he had more in common with Catholic girls than Anglican ones, he put on the site that he believed in both contraception and extra-marital sex!

    My daughter is an attractive girl (I am not just saying that because I am her mum!). She has had lots of guys interested in her – but sadly, not the right sort. She does suffer from mild depression and is getting increasingly despondent at her chances of meeting anybody. She actually said the other day that she wished we hadn’t brought her up to have the values she has got; that she sometimes wished she could forget her moral values and just go out and have casual sex ‘like everyone else’.

    As her mother, I too am depressed because nothing seems to go right for her in her romantic life. And I am increasingly scared that she will indeed desert her moral beliefs and join those who go from one casual relationship to another.

    You are right to say ‘All in God’s time’ – but waiting patiently can be so very difficult! There is a saying that ‘God helps those who help themselves’. So, what do you do to help yourself meet that special person? Do you merely wait and pray that God will magically transport somebody into your life? Or do you join lots of clubs and meet as many people as possible? My daughter has joined Catholic clubs (though sadly these days it appears that even many Catholics believe in sex before marriage). There was a guy she quite liked in a Catholic club a while ago, but sadly nothing came from that either!

    Of course, it may not be God’s will for her to meet somebody. It that’s the case, she will just have to accept it. My worry is though that she just will not be able to!

    Debbie, I hope you do eventually find somebody to love both you and your children. I’ll keep you in my prayers – and I would be very grateful if you could remember my daughter in yours. Thank you.

  7. JustMe says:

    Well, it strikes me that Marijuana Man is desperately lonely, and was waylaid by your often kind and funny ways. In truth, I think you both got ripped off in a way, because I have spoken with many many many guys who are here looking for someone, and they ooh and ahh over every little sign they receive here, too… Guys in trouble are often unable to retrieve themselves except for the love of a good woman.. and trust me, I know a woman who took both her husband-to-be and herself out of the cocaine scene, and they’ve had a lovely family, etc. That is necessarily a hands-on thing, but there is hope.

    But overall, folks are looking for FRIENDS, here. They may think they are looking for spouses, or they may think they have found God more concretely, or siblings, etc., and in a way, all those things are true… but they are (I’m convinced!) simply lonely, and looking for kind others; and that loneliness is hard, but that is GOOD. People who need people are the kind who bless life around them the most, aren’t they?

    The problem is that everyone’s superbusy, everyone’s tired; by the time one gets home from work and/or other matters, one’s options are either to go to a bar to see who’s ..uh.. watching the telly there, or to go online. It’s only natural to turn to the least busy, less tiring avenue, here, of seeking a togetherness. Even married men need friends (and perhaps them most of all). It’s not alright, however, for them to mislead anyone about their status, of course. They are simply fantasizing, and perhaps more than about any physical encounter. We were made to desire togetherness.. and you are right to say it can be found in Jesus first and foremost, but we all are only human. So I ask mercy on all the poseurs here.

    There’s still only one best way to find a lifelong similar mate, if that is our agenda. That is to go wherever our agenda breathes best, and see who’s there. In person.

    I know a young American man so besotted by his online love, he is saving for a ticket to New Zealand. Oh gosh, yes, she’s soooooo different… Well, little can I tell him of the greatly talked-up marriage that was to take place this past August in another country — which has become a regrettable 3 year waste of time, now, after it was wrought with intricate plans on both sides of the pond, vast changes of life for both –and for their loved ones! When these two met in person at last, the truth came rushing out and all but killed them. He is truly 100% outgoing, and she is truly agoraphobic! It is as if they didn’t know each other at all.

    Hello!

    Mercy. Mercy. Everyone needs mercy. People, don’t start anything online that no one can finish.

  8. Renee says:

    I have to agree with Scott. There is loneliness and heartache in marriage, too. I know, as he said, it is easy for me to say, but I have many single friends who think their life will be all better if they were just married. I say no to that. Parts will be better, parts will be more challenging, parts will be worse. The constant is the openness to God’s will for you, today. Jesus really is the only Man that understands women completely. You turn to Him now for consolation, and you will have to turn to Him as a wife for consolation, as well.

    That is why my motto “Live life with an open hand” has followed me from single-hood to married state. Open my hand, let God take out and put in as He sees fit, and struggle against the urge to close my hand around the “thing” I think is best.

    You are such a lovely lady. I wish you peace and joy.

  9. Jocelyne says:

    I’m praying for you, Deb.

    I totally get what you’re saying about the internet dating sites, even the Catholic ones. I tried one for about 2 days, but the responses I got totally creeped me out and I quickly terminated my membership.

    I know some people do meet their mates this way (unless the sites’ success stories are pure fiction), but it certainly wasn’t for me. Too many people had too long a laundry list of demands, and the others were frighteningly uncritical (“if you breathe air, email me!”).

    Of course the amusing postscript to this story is that I did end up meeting someone on the internet – but not through a dating site. Turns out blogging (and reading blogs) is good for something (ha ha) … so keep it up!

  10. marie says:

    Perhaps the man who is caught up in drugs sensed YOUR inner strength and wrongfully assumed that you could fix his problems for him.

    He may not understand that happiness and contenment spring from within and not without…He saw in you a woman of strong convictions, high principles and compassion…He may be longing for what he sensed is within your spirit but is going the wrong way about fixing his own problems.

    You cannot heal the broken hearted or a broken spirit only God can do that…I pray that he will find the healing he needs.

    I will also pray that God will guide your steps and Our Lady protect you:).

    In Peace:)

    Marie

  11. Jean says:

    Deb,

    What an interesting post! I have nothing against internet matchmaking and I know of a few people who actually met their future spouses that way. One was through a Catholic matchmaking site and another was a through a secular matchmaking site.

    Before all these matchmakers online existed or became popular, I tried meeting men through newspaper ads as I was a busy professional woman.

    It was amazing the number of people who responded who didn’t fit the description at all! I mentioned in my add that I was interested in meeting someone who was a devout Catholic and people who were fallen away Catholics and non-practicing Christians responded. Out of about 50 reponses, only two were actually practicing Catholics.

    After receiving all the letters from a variety of men, I called each, screened them by phone, interviewing each one that sounded respectable over the phone, and met them for lunch or a drink in a public place. If that worked out, then we would meet again. I met twice with only one person and we dated a few times, but that was the extent of my success using this method.

    After a few months of this, I just decided to leave it up to God to find a partner for me. Within a short time later, I met a man at a Catholic conference who was attractive, intelligent, a very devout Catholic, with a great sense of humor and a beautiful singing voice. Within a few months of our meeting, he proposed and we were married the following year. We have been married 15 years now. Sometimes we try too hard to make things happen.

    If you want me to, I will pray for a spouse for you. Prayer is powerful and if it is God’s will, He will make it happen for you.

  12. O says:

    Their is joy and their is lonliness in every state of life. I am sure there are aspects of it that are common but that there are triggers that are entirely different. Never thought much about it before becoming Catholic but now I can understand why the Church calls both of these states a vocation, neither are easy, each have their blessings and their ‘curses’ or crosses, as one may prefer.

    Twice a month or so our parish prays at each Mass for vocations and there is a phrase that always rings out for me and it seems to apply here; God grant the grace and wisdom and strength to accept and live out the vocation you have called each of us too.

    luvnprayers
    O | onionboy.ca (art & faith) | luminousmiseries.ca {faith & art}

  13. ukok says:

    Scott,

    I feel sorry for the dope smoker too (his name began with a ‘J’ – so I’ll refer to him as ‘J’ henceforth), I have prayed for J, but he really shouldn’t have let our communication go on for so long without saying something about his addictions.

    You’re quite right about how bizarely people compartmentalise their lives as if one part does not affect another. It’s like saying, I’m a police officer but in my spare time I rob houses…well not exactly like that but y’know what I mean, I’m sure.

    I mean, we all do it to some extent, especially online, but not when it comes to individual relationships. I might post only head and shoulder shots of myself here because my body is enormous, but I don’t claim to be thin, I’ve spoken about my weight issues on the blog, so although it’s kinda not presenting the full me, I’m not denying that I have a body!

    You’re pip on that having a spouse doesn’t make things any easier. I was with my ‘husband’ (annulled) for 6 years and it was a wide-awake nightmare. Stupidly perhaps, I’m up for another crack at marriage, just not with him!

    You and your wife will be in my prayers.

    Alexa,

    Thank you my dear!

    I had to re-read your comment a couple of times, especially the bit about beautiful people, because I’m fat and ungainly … and then I realised that you meant the kind of beauty that we see when we *see* God in another person, at least I think that’s what you meant!

    I agree with you one hundred percent about spouses not filling the void of our lives, only God can do that 🙂

    Anyway, a friend of mine says I’m destined to become a nun, who knows, she may be right….

    Seekeruk,

    How lovely to *hear* from you again! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. Your daughter will certainly be in my prayers. I understand her anxiety/impatience to marry, but I have learned the hard way that we can’t make it happen unless we are prepared to muck up our lives. I hope that your daughter will continue to trust in God. He will bless her beyond her wildest expectations if she does.

    I can also understand where you are coming from as a Mother. My mother is happy that I’m fairly contendly single now, but she too has hurt with me through every failed relationship…first my daughter’s dad dying suddenly at only 25 years old and then all the abuse in my marriage to my son’s father. And before all that, as a teen and in my early twenties there were many, many boyfriends. It’s taken me years to hand over this part of my life to God, but for the last 8 years I have remained single because I trust in God to find me a husband, if he so wills it. Now that could be seen as being a bit sad, by secular standards, but I do believe that what I will receive will be more than worth the time invested in prayerfully waiting for him ….as agonising long as the years have sometimes been.

    I do so hope that your daughter can appreciate this too. Has she read;

    “If you really loved me?” by Jason Evert?
    (it’s on offer at Amazon for less than a fiver)

    It’s a really good book, I bought it for my teen daughter, but I benefiited from reading it too!

    Thanks all!

    Rightio,

    …have to do a few jobs and then I will respond to some more comments – I just didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you all!

  14. logtar says:

    What I find coolest about the bible is that it can be used to guide you in even the most non conventional ways… while it should not be used for “God is telling me to kill people” it could be very helpful in some situations.

    I think you had a bad, very bad experience… but I don’t think that is the norm. Obviously that individual was confused about what he wanted to do with his life, if he was in such state of disarray he should not have been trying to meet someone for a relationship.

  15. Alexa says:

    No, I meant YOU are beautiful. Your heart challenges me quite often to aspire to that beauty.
    Honestly.

  16. John Bowden says:

    What a wonderful post. How the heck do you manage posts like that? Your artistic abilities seem to extend beyond just photography and blogging – have you tried your hand at writing?

    Your intention shall join my very long list of prayer intentions. I believe Dawn Eden has it about right. Prayer, fasting, and living your life as best you can in the Catholic Christian way will do more to “advertise” how special you are than anything else.

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  18. Excellent post and insightful for us single gals! I agree with you on the online dating thing… oh, boy!

    God bless!

  19. ukok says:

    Just Me,

    Bless your heart you think I’m sweet and funny!

    You’re spot on about a good relationship being built upon the foundation of friendship.

    Y’see, if I’m honest, I dated from a very early age, I had a lot of boyfriends and only a couple were friends before they were boyfriends. The mistake I’ve made right up until I met the man I married – and was annulled from (and I was about 25 when I met him so thats 14 years ago) was that I repeatedly fell into the trap of ‘oh he’s paying me the slightest bit of attention, he must like me!’.

    Oh, how sad is that to admit!!! But it’s true, I did. I now strenuously believe that it is better to be alone than to be with boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend….and I can honestly say that much of my ‘growth’ ( ahem…physically as well as spiritually) has taken place while I have been single these years since my annullment.

    That story about that friend of yours and his ‘perfect’ love match is just so terribly sad 😦

    Renee,

    Couldn’t agree more. The 6 years I spent with my *husband* were some of the loneliest years of my life.
    And even with a loving spouse, there are times, I’m sure when one can feel lonely. But then if they are a loving spouse, that loneliness will not be fed with insecurity, fuelled by abuse etc.

    I think to some extent that it is perhaps even beneficial to have some ‘aloneness’ in marriage.

    Jocelyne,

    Oh yes, thank you I do need your prayers!

    I’m sorry you’ve had creepy experience on the dating sites too! I had one guy persistantly email me to ask me about the *kinky* suede boots I appeared to be wearing in one of my profile pictures! It wouldn’t have been half so funny if he hadn’t appeared to be gay! In his photo he appeared to be in a gay bar and I swear he had eye make up on! Maybe he was wanting to know where he could buy some boots like mine???

    Marie,

    I’ve gotta be honest,’J’ seemed very ‘strong’ in his writing. I mean, when he first contacted me he actually complimented me on my fuller figure! I thought he was a cheeky sod and then after a couple of emails I realised he actually liked ladies with fuller figures who didn’t embrace the ‘must be a size zero or you need rehab’ mind set.

    I probably liked writing with him because he made me feel good about myself, but I never ever ever thought anything would ever come of it. Even so I was very disappointed, more for him than anything, that he suffered with this addiction. The part that really made me decide to end my contact with him was when he told me he sold drugs to other people. Those other people could be children….teenagers…it’s terribly sad. I do hope that he managed to get some help and that he was able to hold onto his job and his home. I mean this was a man who actually was a lecturer! So in control in other areas of his life….such a shame.

    Thank you for your prayers for ‘J’ ….and for me, they are very much appreciated.

    More to follow!

  20. ukok says:

    Jean,

    Your beautiful story gives me hope that in God’s time, if it be His will, then it may happen for me. I don’t worry about it. I have a busy life, my beautiful children, my work, my hobbies. I often think I’m not ready for a husband anyway! But if God wants to bless me with one, that’s okay too 🙂

    Please do pray for God’s will to be done in my life, but that if it is for me to be married, then let it be a match made by God and not by my impatience.

    God Bless you dear friend!

  21. ukok says:

    Owen,

    God grant the grace and wisdom and strength to accept and live out the vocation you have called each of us too.

    That is so beautiful. I must make this the prayer of my heart, oh yes, I must. Thank you for sharing it!

    Logtar,

    oh yes, it really is interesting where Scripture leads us isn’t it! It’s fascinating really, I don’t read it nearly enough 😦

    I agree that I possibly had a bad experience that many others may not, but both sites had forums and the ladies were always stating ‘Stear clear of this married man’ and that man ‘who tries to get intimate on the first date!’ I mean, these are catholic guys who often profess to be devout! In the profile questions they have to answer that they accept and practice the treachings of the Church on such things as no sex before marriage!

    All interesting stuff though eh.LOL!

    Alexa,

    You just touched my heart so bad I went all mushy!
    What a beautiful thing for you to say.

    John,

    After reading yours and Alexa’s comment I was just walking on air. The reason I’m walking on air is because I know that I am not worthy of such beautiful comments. Truly, I’m not self depracating to garner praise, I just know that this blog only probably presents my better side. You don’t see me when I’ve got road rage really bad or when I’m screaming at the kids or stuffing my face because I’m in floods of tears because I feel like running away because things just seem too hard sometimes! (gosh, that’s a lot of ‘because’s isn’t it!)

    While it lasts, I’m enjoying this feeling of walking on cloud 9 though! Thank you!!!!!

    Amber,

    Thanks! Glad you enjoyed the post, good to see you around here, we don’t mingle nearly enough online 🙂

  22. Jennifer says:

    When dh and I broke up over the winter (we got back together…and on Tuesday he starts the RCIA course!!!!) I tried online dating…met a bunch of total wierdos.

    Just remember, God knows what your purpose is. Trust in him.

    I read in a book that we see our lives as the back of needlepoint, all knotted and twisted but God sees the front, the whole beautiful completed picture. That thought has helped me put alot of things into perspective. I always like to share that thought because it has been so helpful to me 🙂

  23. berenike says:

    seekeruk – does your daughter go to things like Faith (okay they have some funny ideas about evolution, but they don’t go on about them too much)? or other things where nice guys hang out? There are lots of Catholic things for the 20/30 something and you meet lovely people, of both sexes. World Youth Alliance – Europe (they suffer from their rather naff American overlordship, but there are amazing people involved in it). Stuff like this can be the most remarkable intellectual and personal eye-opener and learning experience, and there are, as I say, lots and lots of great people involved. Go for the thing itself, not with the intention of meeting someone.

    jsut from my experience.

  24. Joe says:

    This post hits a lot of nerves. The problems of lonely people exploring new ways to communicate….my online dating experience has not been good either. I joined a catholic singles site also, which had been plugged on EWTN (a station that has comforted me much, spiritually), communicated with 3 women, dated 2, and married one. I looked at over 100 women’s profiles first. Each one was a traditional roman catholic believer, at least in name. I had decided that my vocational calling was for marriage to a staunch woman of faith. I was searching for her in what I thought to be a good collection of possibilities. It was not the same personal experience of direct introduction like when I was an adolescent (I am 54 now and all this was 2 years ago). Well, I was presuming a lot. Turns out the lady I selected could talk the talk, but not walk the walk. She didn’t bat an eye at breaking commandments. She would rationize her way around reality and then do precisely whay God warned us not to do. In her mind these acts were all justified, but in fact they were wrong. Oh, it was all roses and champagne and extremely deep spiritual conversations about family and love and marriage until after the honeymoon. It was very romantic, and I was smitten. Then reality set in.
    uh-oh!
    She was spiritually, physically and emotionaly abusive to myself and to eveyone I loved. Finally, she stole all the furniture and left. After the ordeal of the legal divorce it was off to the Tribunal. That was also painful, though necessary. They have not yet contacted me with their decision. She goes back to her pious prowl and marries some new guy in some kind of Coptic church, and her body looks suspiciously…different. Whoa! We had tried (willfull children of God that we were) to concieve for 3 months before she bolted. I was physically and spiritually bonded, and then “poof”! Financial disaster, and loss of respect for people who profess to be Christian for my children. A regular train wreck.
    Your story hit on the marijuana nerve, too, but I’ll save that comment for later. Joe

  25. ukok says:

    Joe,

    If I say ‘AMS’ am I guessing right? because I was a member there and also another popular Catholic Singles site too!

    I am so very sorry for you that you had such a terrible experience. What a shame for you that your wife was so deceitful.

    Please be assured of my prayers for you.

    God Bless

  26. Joe says:

    yuppers, that was it. Thanks for the compassion and the prayers. I hope somebody will benefit from the experience. I tried to get back on the site to post my horror story, but they cancelled me because of the wedding. Looking back on the experience it seems that until you have been around a person in real life for at least a year you really don’t know who they truly are. “By their fruits shall ye know them” is a very good instruction from our Lord.

  27. ukok says:

    Joe,

    I don’t think they want to know about the ‘sour’ stories.

    A few weeks ago someone from AMS contacted me to ask why I had terminated my membership with them, I didn’t tell them the half of it, but just enough, as conservatively put as possible….they didn’t even have the courtesy to write back to thank me for my explanation.

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