This is a letter I’ve long wanted to write, but was worried that my genuine blog buddies would think this was aimed at them, so I didn’t…. please don’t asume this is about you, most of the people that I write this to, already know who they are (believe me, they know). I’m not writing it to get a rise out of anyone, I’m merely using my blog as an outlet to express myself on something that’s been bugging me for way too long.
This is not aimed at blogfriends who through time and circumstance have lost contact with me or my blog! This is ‘deeper’ than it appears. I know it won’t make sense to a lot of you, but then it’s not directed towards a lot of you, so you don’t really need to understand it. There’s a lot I could have said, but have chosen not to. I do not write this to be uncharitable. This is just my way of letting go and turning over the page of my blogging life.
“Some bloggers are back-slappers.
Y’know, like the guy in the office or the politician who loves you up in front of your face, only to stab you in the back when you’re walking away. It’s all superficial surface stuff. When it comes down to it, there’s really no connection, no genuine friendship and worst of all, no explanation for their shoddy behaviour.
I was never popular at school, I was never part of the girl crowd, I was always on the fringe. And I always have been that way ever since. Not by thought or by choice, but just because I was made that way. I have this inbuilt crap detector that senses that the gushing flowery love and support, kindness or whatever, is rather like the seeds that grow into pretty flowers, only to wither away because they have no substance, no roots.
But my crap detector must be a bit dodgy when it comes to cyberspace (perhaps because it’s so difficult to really know anyone unless you meet them in the physical realm) because I really have been fooled into believing that certain bloggers were genuine , only to discover that they are not. (And no, I’m not miffed because they don’t leave comments anymore – there’s more to this, there’s more to this, there’s more to this…..)
Perhaps it’s because I’m opinionated, I just am – and I’m not about to apologise for it – but I can be a blog buddy and I will still tell you how it is…. it doesn’t mean I don’t like you if I disagree with you or if I set you straight on something. I do this for your own good and I do this because I am not a back slapper or a people pleaser.
I seem to have alienated, or have been alienated from, certain bloggers over the years. I’m not too proud to admit that it has bothered me much more than it should. Maybe they suddenly realised that my face doesn’t fit after all? Maybe we’re back on the playground again? Maybe they like pushing buttons, because as far as I’m aware, it wasn’t me who changed. I’m still the same as I ever was.
So I’m shaking the dust from my sandals for the last time. No more comments on your blogs, no more emails, no more bloglines subscriptions or subscriptions to your feeds, no more (unanswered) questions in your inbox to ask your advice or to offer unreciprocated friendship emails (I will still be praying for you)….because if you choose to offer intermittent or non-existant *friendship* while mine is consistant, then it’s not my problem, it’s yours…and most of all, no more anxiety about how I may or may not have offended you. Because I’m done with worrying. I have enough going on in real time, I don’t need to put up with that crud here in the blogosphere.
If you don’t want a piece of me, then that’s okay, but no more games. I’m cutting you loose.