The Rover’s Return

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During the past month of self imposed exile from blogging, I have had the time to have a good long think about how I feel about continuing with the blog, or not, as the case may be.

I can’t say that I’ve emerged from my blog-fast with a clear knowledge or intention of either continuing to blog or not continuing to blog, at least, not permanently… however, I can say that I have missed blogging more than I have resented blogging, pre-blog-fast.

I am now aware (and by that I mean that the ‘penny has finally dropped’) that staying away from blogging requires just as much (if not more) discipline as it takes for me to stick at it and continue blogging. I had previously deluded myself into thinking myself completely undisciplined, but I didn’t post for a whole month and there was a couple of occassions when I really had things to say or prayers to beg – so I can’t be all that undisciplined after all, can I?

I’ve reached the conclusion that I will continue to be deeply neurotic, thin skinned and obsessive whether or not I choose to blog. Blogging merely exposes me to an ‘audience’ I would not otherwise be exposed to…which means that it is yet another medium in which I can potentially feel overwhelmed  and have the propensity to feel insignificant.

I reveal much of myself through my blog and perhaps I am at fault in doing so, because it means that I am left feeling the need of affirmation, which is rather sad, I think. But I don’t think even that is reason enough, not to blog… it won’t change if I continue to blog either…so I just have to find a way of dealing with it. Overall, the benefits of blogging, I believe (at this point in time), outweigh the negative aspects of it. So basically…

this is where I am.

  • I have come full circle, and it won’t be the only lap I will ever do.
  • I am as undecided as I ever was about blogging.
  • I have come to appreciate that blogging is no more my enemy than it is my friend.
  • For now then, I choose to blog.

My  ‘blogging addiction’ isn’t all about what happens at Ukok’s Place though. I have something of a compulsion to visit other peoples blogs  (to maintain cyber friendships) and just as I intend to post with more discipline here, my time spent reading blogs and I suppose, giving other bloggers that same affirmation (which they may neither need of nor desire) can no longer be an important factor of my blogging. It too must endure some pruning, some cutting back. Yes, I shall continue to visit the blogs I enjoy reading, but I shall  read less and comment less and attempt, generally, to be a little more discerning about the way that I utilise my time. I have not been using it well over recent months, particularly with regard to my online activities and OCD influenced blogging habits.

I hope that doesn’t sound too harsh or cause offence, and I hope you’ll understand why it is that you may only see my comments on your blogs every week or every fortnight henceforth. I am tackling a blog addiction, of sorts. If I don’t take a step back, in the ways I have outlined here, then I will just quit this bloggin’ thing permanently. I know now that I can take it or leave it.  I can’t be worrying about making anyone happy or unhappy. I know you’re a pretty much sane bunch and that your world doesn’t revolve around me or my visiting your blog – I’m saying this as much for my benefit as for anyone else’s to reaffirm to myself what I know I have to do if this is going to work for me!

To sum up then. I’m getting some perspective and it looks like you’re stuck with me, for now at least.

Just one thing left to say…..

Thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers, comments and emails during the last month. May God return your kindness.

God Bless you!

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21 Responses to The Rover’s Return

  1. Christine M says:

    Hey there – welcome back to the cyber world!

  2. Alexa says:

    You know, Deb, I think you’re so right. I’ve realized that I can’t be what everyone wants me to be (comment leaver, poster) online any more than I can be IRL. So, I do whatever I feel like doing on the blog now.

    Besides. I don’t have my laptop anymore! LOL

    I received your beautiful Happy Christmas card too, Deb. I thank you!

    Enjoy Advent and see you in the blogosphere!

  3. kaiserfam says:

    Welcome back, Deb.

    I think that many of us experience to a greater or lesser degree. That push and pull around blogging. The sense of exposure and of being separated in public.

    I know too the sense of having to keep up connections.

    I think seeking balance is right. I am glad you are back.

    Remember that wherever two or more are gathered in His name, Christ is there. I guess that means online too, eh? 🙂

  4. RobK says:

    Not sure why that last one had me as Kaiserfam, but it was me.

  5. Audrey says:

    Deb dear!! I’m so glad you’re back!! *hugs*

  6. logtar says:

    Glad you are back, even though arrogantly enough of my part I knew you would.

    I think you need to learn to accept that it is an exercise on self imposed self discovery of things you already knew. When someone else points something out to you that you knew about yourself but have a hard time admitting it can be hard but also somewhat liberating.

    Whether we like it or not we take others’ opinions into our self image and some kind of affirmation from people, even online is not all that bad.

    About revealing too much, I also wrestle with that but I have chosen to say more direct things… it helps.

  7. mimima says:

    Welcome Back! You’ve been missed. I’m glad you have spent this time prayerfully reviewing what Blogging brings you.

  8. Owen says:

    Welcome back my good friend from across the pond. I’ve found my own blog balance and am very happy in it. I have no expectation of you except that you’ll be happy in all you do. Peace…oh and, thrive! 😉

  9. Valerie says:

    🙂

    I’m right with you, my friend. Glad you have “come full circle”. God bless, and thanks for your prayers for my situation.

  10. Maryellen says:

    Hooray!
    I love your post about your return and all the insights you gained while fasting from blogging. All the things you learned about yourself are things I’ve questioned myself and struggled with.

    I liked what Owen said about finding your own balance. It’s probably different with each person. I remember his struggle, and he seems to have hit his ‘stride’ now.

    Thanks for sharing your heart. What you learned is a big help to me. Your heart, voice and insights are needed, so I rejoice that you’re back. I’m taking a break for December – not posting and only visiting a few blogs each night.

  11. Welcome back!!!!! So happy to read one of your posts again! I think we all need and seek affirmation from our blogs as well as in real life. And I imagine we have all struggled with the issues you have placed on the table here. For me, striking a balance is a challenge in many areas of my life, including blogging. I have had to cut way back on my posting as well as on my reading.
    Your blog does have another positive though that I don’t think you mentioned. It ministers to other people. Your spiritual insights are wonderful and even posts on just what’s happening in your life nurture many of us in the blogosphere. You reveal that there is someone else out there (in my case, on the other side of the Atlantic) who struggles with the same sorts of life challgenges and rejoices in the same goodness that we all experience in our own lives. Sharing of yourself in real life and on your blog is an act of generosity and I thank you for it. Welcome back! It is always good to hear from you, either from your posts or comments, whether frequent or infrequent. God bless!

  12. welcome back.

    and blessings as you struggle to get the balance right. We all need to do so. Me included.

  13. Gabrielle says:

    Hi, Deb! Glad you’re back. It’s really true that blogging can often make us feel like time is the enemy, and that’s not good. I like the freedom and balance both you and Alexa speak of here. May you have a blessed Advent.

  14. KC Monet says:

    It’s nice to see you back.
    🙂

  15. John Bowden says:

    O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!’
    He chortled in his joy.

  16. Scott says:

    yay, glad you’ve not hung up your bloggin’ shoes just yet….

    I have been considering ceasing my blog, noone comes round much anymore. I think my Catholic/Christian writings have begun to alienate my AA friends lol

  17. Melanie says:

    Welcome back 🙂 It’s so nice to “see” you here again!

  18. Elena says:

    Glad you’re back Deb! I totally understand that love/hate relationship with blogging. I think only bloggers “get it!”

    BTW, sent one of your cards this week to a friend and she loved getting it at work. It really made her day and I just wanted to let you know!

    Hope you are having a blessed Advent!

    Elena

  19. ukok says:

    What a great bunch you are! It always does my heart good to read your wonderful comments. God Bless you as you have blessed me!

  20. Judy M. says:

    Welcome back! I missed you.

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