When my soul is run aground…

I don’t know how it is for you, but speaking for myself I sojourn through a veritable spectrum of spiritual vagaries in any one day. I suppose it makes life interesting, but I would rather live a steadier spiritual existance. From am to pm, from hour to hour and sometimes even from moment to moment, I can feel ‘at peace’ and yet a mere second or two later, I find myself in the thick of a tempestuous tide of ungodly gumbo.

Whoever said living a life of faith would be easy?

I don’t know anyone with half a brain who would.

This is spiritual warfare, but not as I ever imagined it to be.

What lofty ideas I once had of brave battles, nobly won…that I imagined that evil would be so daring as to show itself to me proudly and unafraid and that it could be effortlessly slayed!

No, the real battles go on in the trenches of my mind and in the depths of a heart that harbours discontent, where against a barrage of hellish havoc, I half drown daily, scarcely head above the surface of the quagmire of my soul.

A glimmer of God may shine through at any time and offer the elusive safety of my soul ….but so oft His guiding light disappears as impercebtibly as it arrives and along with the light, God himself is distant and all seems lost once more as I grow ugly with despondency. And yet when once again in darkness, if I am true to myself in one thing only, then I must know that it can be only I who dims the light.

God is no less the Light because I fail to see Him. No, it is my own sin that prevents me from seeing Him and so I pray to a Merciful God, that the undeserving wretch that I am, will be lifted high above the filth of my own sin, as precariously, I journey through this vestibule that leads to eternal life.

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11 Responses to When my soul is run aground…

  1. ukok says:

    Jackie, thank you!

  2. JustMe says:

    Meditation, heck. It’s a veritable psalm for our times. You should reserve this for next year’s Lenten publication in a diocesan newspaper, Deb.

  3. AutumnRose says:

    I relate to this today, and touched on it in my blog entry earlier. I think the devil tried even harder to get at us during Lent, when we are are trying to focus on God in order to distract us. I empathise and offer my prayers…

    …oh, and very poetically put, too 🙂

  4. Brandy says:

    Thank you so much for stopping by my page and praying for Erin! I recieved a comment about the little girl and the lady said that her parents were in her sisters sunday school class. She gave me a web site that you can go to and it updated every day. Erin does seem to be doing better, but she still has a long way to go, so we still need to keep her in our prayers! Here is the website and I will also post it on my blog! http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/erinpage .do Bless you!
    Love,
    Brandy

  5. Mimi says:

    Beautiful.

    Lent is such a spiritually difficult time, and it should be – we are winnowing down our passions to yearn to meet Christ in his Resurrection.
    None of which makes it any easher.

  6. Alexa says:

    Damn, You write well.

  7. Maryellen says:

    Oh, Deb, what a beautiful post. It’s so eloquently expressed. I agree with Autumn Rose.”…..…oh, and very poetically put, too :)”

    Thanks so much.

  8. I am not a full fledged Christian, I am something though, but I wouldn’t label myself in anyway. I feel that Christians have reason to be upset with the way the world is going as should everyone else. I only hold a few pieces of the puzzle of the truth and can say that in my opinion television is a medium without much vision. In fact it is blinding, manipulating and addictive. Christianity could be a great thing some day and I would even be interested in joining a church if Christianity changed in the right direction. My friend Jackie (A non practicing young catholic) thinks that is what seems to be going on right now. I would love to know from someone how the church’s seem to be changing both good and bad.

  9. ukok says:

    Morgan,

    Hi! I’m not quite sure how I can help you. I love being Catholic and it has changed my life. All I can do is to ask you to pray to the Lord and ask him to guide you to where he would have you be. I will pray for you too 🙂

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