I don’t know how it is for you, but speaking for myself I sojourn through a veritable spectrum of spiritual vagaries in any one day. I suppose it makes life interesting, but I would rather live a steadier spiritual existance. From am to pm, from hour to hour and sometimes even from moment to moment, I can feel ‘at peace’ and yet a mere second or two later, I find myself in the thick of a tempestuous tide of ungodly gumbo.
Whoever said living a life of faith would be easy?
I don’t know anyone with half a brain who would.
This is spiritual warfare, but not as I ever imagined it to be.
What lofty ideas I once had of brave battles, nobly won…that I imagined that evil would be so daring as to show itself to me proudly and unafraid and that it could be effortlessly slayed!
No, the real battles go on in the trenches of my mind and in the depths of a heart that harbours discontent, where against a barrage of hellish havoc, I half drown daily, scarcely head above the surface of the quagmire of my soul.
A glimmer of God may shine through at any time and offer the elusive safety of my soul ….but so oft His guiding light disappears as impercebtibly as it arrives and along with the light, God himself is distant and all seems lost once more as I grow ugly with despondency. And yet when once again in darkness, if I am true to myself in one thing only, then I must know that it can be only I who dims the light.
God is no less the Light because I fail to see Him. No, it is my own sin that prevents me from seeing Him and so I pray to a Merciful God, that the undeserving wretch that I am, will be lifted high above the filth of my own sin, as precariously, I journey through this vestibule that leads to eternal life.