I have a head cold from hell and I’m alternating between being sweltering hot and fffffffflippin’ freezing on a moment by moment basis. I went to Mass, but i think i should probably have just stayed home…..i tried not to take anyones hand at the sign of the peace, but hey, I couldn’t do a Monk and ask my capable assistants, erm…children, for a wipe before doing so.
Okay, now bear with me while i explain something seemingly unconnected with the state of my physical health. There’s point to this…kind of.
As many of my regular readers know, a couple of years after my daughters father died (we weren’t married, I wasn’t even a Christian when we met and i had zero morals when it came to living ‘in sin’) I met and later married the man who would become the father of my son….the relationship was volatile and abusive and after 6 years, I left the family home with the children and the dog. I won’t bore you with the details but we left with nothing…because we needed to be free of the nightmare we were living in.
It took a lot of time for my ex husband and I to be able to communicate after I left him, at first our son had to have contact with his Dad through a ‘contact centre’, this was arranged through the courts because of the acidity of our relationship…and the injunction against him.
Eventually, over the first couple of years of having left him, we managed to work out arrangements that were mutually suitable so that our son had regular contact with his father. Now years later, we are both able to discuss our sons needs to some extent, though I have full parental responsibility for our son.
In truth it’s still difficult to communicate sometimes, and he can be difficult when it suits him to be. For the past couple of years he had our son a couple of times a week, one sleep over is included in that. We’ve fallen in to some kind of routine and our son is happy with that, as happy as a kid from a split family can be.
Today the ex asked if we could change things around. Actually, he didn’t ask…he wrote a note and handed it to me when I dropped our son off with him today.
Letters are the way we deal with awkward issues.
Like when he forgot to give our son his asthma medications one weekend and made light of or sons need for it….i wrote a letter…or when our boy was 8 years old he let him shoot at a target in the garden with a loaded air rifle (despite the obvious injury our son could have done to himself…we don’t live in a rural area, but in a heavily populated area)…he got a letter from me about it…(oh yeah and phone calls…i even called the police).
I get letters from him too, usually they explain why the ex can’t have our son on this or that day of the week.
This letter I got today….he wanted to talk on the doorstep but we’d been to Mass and I felt like crud and just wanted to get home. So i said i’d read the letter at home.
I was actually driving when I tossed the letter to my daughter and asked her to read it….
I am so mad right now. All i can think is what a stupid man he is. I won’t relay it all but here’s a line from the letter….
“our son doesn’t seem interested in going to Mass with you on Sundays anymore so what do you think if i have him on Sundays now? When we were lads (he’s referring to himself and his brothers here) we were all altar boys, but we stopped going to church at about 12 or 13….it’s a lad-thing”
Give me strength.
I am sorely tempted to write a letter back thanking him for not practicing his Catholic faith because when i converted to Catholicism, the lack of form in our marriage (we were married outside the catholic church) enabled me to get a decree of nullity which means i am free to marry again.
I am fuming.
He’s an italian Catholic from a large Catholic family and none of them practice their faith (thought they have their weddings and kids baptised at my parish!)….now he wants to have our son think that it is acceptable not to go to Mass.
Attending Sunday Mass is not a choice, it is an obligation.