During the last year or so I have made a considerable amount of changes in my life.
When I first became aware that I needed to make these changes, it came as something of a shock because as a creature of habit, change has never been something I have welcomed. At least, not the big changes anyway.
I had to cry a lot of tears and pray a lot of prayers in the process of discerning whether the impetus for making these particular changes was merely a ‘knee jerk’ reaction to what was happening in my life as this year unfolded, or whether it was actually fundamental to my health and wellbeing and therefore, entirely necessary.
Well the prayers and the tears worked just fine because before too long I became very much aware that it was time to let go of false hopes and aspirations, of certain misplaced attachments and affiliations…even to the point of allowing floundering friendships to come to their natural demise.
Considering that letting go is hardly my forte, i have to be honest and share with you that this time of sifting the wheat from the chaff of my life has left me far from despondent…the anxiety about letting go has been far more stressful and painful than the letting go itself…and while I am uncertain of much, I have the hope of new things just beyond the horizon….. new things that I wouldn’t and couldn’t be open to if doors hadn’t first been slammed shut in my face ….and ouch how it hurt when they were!
But I do believe that it’s true that when God closes a door, he opens a window.
It’s not just a quaint saying.
I’ve been through some tough stuff, many times believing that God had turned his face from me just as I believed man had done, but God always threw me a bone….or should i say, he always threw me a life jacket just in time to save me from myself.
Often I have questioned why God has led me to a place when that place is more like a mirage than a reality….all promise…no follow through…but the Lord continues to show me that where he leads me is not the destination in itself (until my Heavenly home, please God)… but that life is a journey and that I must pass through many places, experience many things…and that these experiences, yes even the painful ones, will help me to grow and will shape me….although admittedly, it’s hard to thank the Lord for the thorns among the roses when it feels like I’m being battered with a bloody big shovel most of the time.