Bamboozled

It seems like i’m whining a helluva lot lately.

I’m sorry about that.

So many things are going wrong in my life at the moment. It feels like everything is completely out of control for the most part and to make matters worse, I’m feeling  utterly gutted that something that looked like it had the potential to put me on the path to turning mine and my childrens lives around, has just been whipped right from under me.

Once again i’m left shellshocked, disappointed and at a loss as to how much longer I have to dig this hole I’m in.

I think I know something of how Job felt.

Seriously, I have no idea where I’m going or what i’m going to do. I am despairing at missed and impossible to fulfil opportunities (it would make sense if you knew to what i referred) and  especially frustrates me that I don’t even feel that i can discuss this openly here.

And oh, my friends…. i’m so very, very sorry for all this cryptic crap.

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23 Responses to Bamboozled

  1. Barbara says:

    Deb,

    If you want and need to vent your spleen here , it is your blog and when you are a single parent, who else can you talk to anyway.

    I know it won’t make you feel anybetter at this moment, but sometimes these things happen this way for a reason and His ways are not always our ways and I trust and pray that our heavenly Father who only wants good things for his children, has a better plan in mind for you.

    Take care and get some rest….. things will seem different in the morning.

    Bxxxxx

  2. Esther says:

    Sorry you are going through a difficult time Deb. Wish I could help.
    hugs,

  3. Jean says:

    Deb,

    I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’m here for you if you need to talk.

    You’re in my prayers.

    (((Hugs)))

  4. Rosemary says:

    So sorry for this pain, Deb. You are in my prayers. God has a plan. (But sometimes it would really be nice to know what it is, right?)

  5. Valerie says:

    Deb – Please feel free to email me if you feel the need to talk. I’m a good listener 🙂 I’ll keep you in my prayers, in the meantime. . .

  6. Melanie says:

    Deb, you are in my prayers and I’m so sad to read that you’re struggling right now. I hope you get a glimpse of His Plan for you sometime soon!

  7. Suzanne says:

    Like Rosemary said…it would be nice to know..the specifics sometimes. You are in my prayers and I am praying more specifically for what your needs are right now. I’ve heard to pray very specifically…not that you or I always know what we should “specifically” pray for, but in your case…just to know what God is trying to say when these things are so iffy for you.
    If you want to talk through an email, I’m here for you in
    the best way I know how.
    God loves you and I do too..big big squishy hug, Deb.

  8. Adrienne says:

    Oh my – now I’m all worried……….

    Will keep you in my prayers

  9. Rita says:

    It is probably no consolation but yesterday my other half was told he hadn’t even been shortlisted for a job with an institution he has done a considerable amount of work for and received a considerable amount of praise from. He is very hurt and somewhat depressed as he feels his age (57) will always go against him.

    The financial black hole shows little signs of evaporating. Still, it is the feast of the wonder worker of Pauda and whilst living amongst the madness of the modern world is sooooo difficult, the reality WE have is the loving kindness and mercy of Our Lord and the faithfull intercession of His saints.

    Hugs!!!!!

  10. thehermitage says:

    Remembered to log myself in this time! Praying for you lass. God has you in the palm of His hand and He won’t drop you.

    Love
    Scotty

  11. Phil says:

    Deb

    I’m so sorry. I don’t know whether it helps or not, but you are not suffering alone. Much of what you have written above sums my feelings at the moment. When will there be some good news; something good? I was reading Job at Matins a few days ago, and, of course, the story has a good old happy ending; Job’s faithfulness is rewarded. Nevertheless, I thought at the time, why bother heaping the misery on him (me, you, others) in the first place?! Just when you think you might be coming out of the malaise of despair, the re-entry into the “normative” life reacquaints the sufferer with the ghastly realisation of the situation, formerly hidden in the blur of sadness /gloom /depression /self-pity, whatever the initial state of mind. Perhaps the morning, after a brief respite in sleep, is the most difficult time: those few minutes when troubles are forgotten upon waking.

    It’s a theme of quite a few saints that those who suffer most are those most close and dear to God – God’s best friends, if you like. Look at S Bernadette or S (Padre) Pio in our own era. Sometimes, I get glimpses of future, potential “success” from the present experiences of suffering; that said, then I want to retreat into myself and say “stuff it” to the world. However, as Super-Papa, himself, says in ‘Spe Salvi’: “Only God is able to [eliminate sin and ultimately suffering]… only a God who personally enters history by making himself man and suffering within history… It is, however, hope—not yet fulfilment; hope that gives us the courage to place ourselves on the side of good even in seemingly hopeless situations, aware that, as far as the external course of history is concerned, the power of sin will continue to be a terrible presence.”

    Later on, he recommends a very traditional means of combating the seemingly unbearable burden of suffering: “I would like to add here another brief comment with some relevance for everyday living. There used to be a form of devotion—perhaps less practised today but quite widespread not long ago—that included the idea of “offering up” the minor daily hardships that continually strike at us like irritating “jabs”, thereby giving them a meaning. Of course, there were some exaggerations and perhaps unhealthy applications of this devotion, but we need to ask ourselves whether there may not after all have been something essential and helpful contained within it. What does it mean to offer something up? Those who did so were convinced that they could insert these little annoyances into Christ’s great “com-passion” so that they somehow became part of the treasury of compassion so greatly needed by the human race. In this way, even the small inconveniences of daily life could acquire meaning and contribute to the economy of good and of human love. Maybe we should consider whether it might be judicious to revive this practice ourselves.”

    This is something that our Lady of Fatima encouraged the children to embrace as a means of joining in the Saviour’s suffering and therefore sharing in the reparation of the weight of sin, the build up of which B16 highlights from scripture and tradition as the cause of present suffering.

    Please know that you are not alone, either in offering up your suffering or in the wider apostolate of prayer: in that, you are a very dear partner, as are your children.

  12. Easter A. says:

    ((((((((((((((Deb)))))))))))))

    Know that you are loved!!!! Write what you feel so we know what is going on with you and we can pray for you. I will have special prayers for you at Mass today.

    Love,
    Easter

  13. Rosemary says:

    Deb, please email if you want to talk more specifically. I’m here. Liz says she hopes things get better for you. We’re both praying for you.

  14. Sarah says:

    You have my prayers, hugs, and best wishes. Now, hang on like Jacob until you get your blessing!!

  15. mum6kids says:

    Deb, {{HUGS}} and of course continued prayers.
    And as Fr John Corapi would remind us all when we are going through these things-and don’t we do it a LOT?- ‘offer it up’.
    I am so sorry you are going through so much all in one go, and especially as you are worried about blogging it.
    Anyway-lots of prayers being offered. I will (if this doesn’t sound too weird) offer todays pain for you.
    God bless

  16. Big strong angels around you Deb. As someone who thought she had found great happiness just a few years ago that turned into utter disaster, it took a while to get my life back on track. But the Lord had much better things in mind for me. But before He revealed His plans for me, I despaired a lot but mostly I refused to believe that my dreams would not come true, that they would come true. Hold on to the desires of your heart. They can be transformative.

    Don’t let go. Don’t lose faith. Even if you don’t feel it, just say the words, “Jesus, I trust in you.”

  17. John says:

    Deb, you are definitely not alone .. financial hardship has us living on the edge and I’ve found that the ONLY thing that keeps me going is my faith in God’s providence. At one point in time I was so depressed I thought I couldn’t feel any worse (I’ve since found that not to be true .. you can ALWAYS feel worse! 🙂 ) and I happened across a prayer from St. Francis de Sales which I wrote about in this post: http://www.stblogsparish.com/2007/10/god_touches_our_lives_in_many.php

    Not to belabor the point … you will, if you examine your life and the things that have happened recognize in much of it the love God has for you and His providence. He will, if we trust Him and His love, provide what we require, not what we want necessarily, but what we require for the good of our salvation. I’ve had to adjust my “perspective” on life considerably, but have found that to do so gives one greater comfort in the times of greater stress.

    You and your family will continue to be remembered in my prayers. I would ask that you please remember me also and if you can squeeze in a prayer for my discernment of a calling to the permanent Diaconate I would appreciate it.

    Hang in there and keep singing!
    +JMJ+ John

  18. Carol says:

    Sometimes I think “if only we could do without emotions, life would be so much easier.” Well, duh. 🙂 But feelings are a crucial part of being human. Plus, the good side of emotions is more tremendously good than the bad could ever be bad.

    Amen to all that has been said here. It is often a sheer leap of almost blind faith to trust that He is busily fashioning a Phoenix from every bundle of crash-and-burn ashes.. but He is. We must persevere, without looking too far backward, nor too far forward. I’ll pray for you, but you’re a fighter.. you can handle it, whatever it is.

  19. Praying for your intentions, Deb.

  20. ukok says:

    oh my oh my, how i needed to read your comments today.

    Will write more soon

    (((hugs and lotsa love)))

  21. Gabrielle says:

    Dwelling on missed opportunities is something I guess we all do from time to time, but it’s not very good for the morale, is it? You know, when I read the blogs of some women who are in their sixties, and see how full of energy they are, with such a zest for life, starting new projects, joining new groups, even changing career paths, it revitalizes me and helps me to see how much is dependent on attitude and outlook. It’s never too late for career counselling and things of that nature, or even just talking to a “family” type professional when things seem out of control. Don’t despair, Deb! Just look at all the prayers being sent your way, and look at all these friends – they all understand cryptic!

  22. Renee says:

    There is not much I can add to the wisdom and love in the above comments, but know that I add a hearty “hear, hear!” to the wisdom of the ages expressed above, and another for all the out pouring of love and prayers on you. Many blessings, Deb, and YOU are NOT alone!!

  23. AutumnRose says:

    See how many friends care for you, Ukok? God is blessing you in your suffering, and He will use this pain and struggle for His greater glory ~ and yours.
    Praying for you, Sis xxx

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