I thought i had Christmas all planned out, but apparantly 6 rolls of mega metre gift wrap just weren’t enough, and neither were the three rolls of sellotape. A quick dash to the shops became a 3 hour marathon as i wheezed my way to make what i thought at the time, were last minute purchases (ha ha ha).
oh, those single last nerves….last weekend we went to the supermarket, parked the car and did our shopping no problem but when we got back to the car we discovered a minivan had parked so close to our car that it left (me = the driver) precisely four inches of space between it and my car in which to manoevre myself into the driving seat….the owner of the vanhad also kindly left his rabid, ferocious mongrel in his van, which slobbered all over the van windows as it snarled and bared its gnashers to me as i tried to breath in enough to squadge my ample flesh between both vehicles….i narrowly missed getting wedged between his van and my car and i recall having a scene involving the firebrigade, a chainsaw and the local newspaper photographer flash through my mind before at last I managed to retreat to safety.
In something of a rage i collared a supermarket trolly worker who had the following sign eblazoned on his tabard ‘Assistant – ask for help’….i informed him of my predicament and he shook his head gravely and told me i would have to go back into the packed store, queue up for possibly an hour in the customer service queue and then ask for the vehicles owner to come and move his van, over the supermarket microphone….the unhelpful assistant then sauntered off. Mega helpful, not.
Irate and befuddled i scribbled a hasty note of ingratitude on a notepad i had in my bag and stuck said note beneath the wiper of offending vehicle and proceeded to enter my own car from the passenger side…which is no mean feat for someone of my generous proportions.
Forunately when i found myself hovering precariously over the handbrake with one leg up on the dashboard, one butt cheek on the drivers seat and wheezing like i smoke 50 fags a day, i eventually saw the funny side…well it was either that or dissolving in a puddle of tears…
Oh the joys of supermarket shopping at Christmas time!
Well today i arrived home after another frenzied trip to the supermarket, only to find on my doormat, amongst Christmas Cards from around the world (thankyou my friends, you know who you are) a lovely surprise indeed…3 copies of Magnificat magazine. One for December, one for Christmas and also a January issue. I am thrilled and delighted to have received them, but i don’t have a clue to whom thanks is owed as i don’t know who gifted them to me!
Whoever you are, if you are my kind and generous (anonymous) benefactor, please know that you have my heartfelt thanks….and please don’t hesitate to let me know who you are. God Bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you all the days of your life.