Happy (much blessed) New Year!

Hi folks. Hope you all had  lovely Christmas. I pray for you all a healthful and peaceful 2010.

A bit about our Christmas.

Though things were very different (and at times, very difficult) for us as a family, we did manage to enjoy our Christmas very much. As you probably gather from the wording in the previous sentence, Wonderboy remains separated from us….emotionally as well as physically, and certainly spiritually.

It grieves me, and I am numb with it all.

But this is how it is now.

Wonderboy has made it perfectly clear to me that he will choose his father every time and and in every way….even though he doesn;t have to choose to be civil, respectful and loving to only one of his parents…he continues to weary me by lashing out verbally, playing mind games, being uneccessarily difficult. And all the while i try to hold on, to maintain contact with the son i love, but no longer recognise.

He feels lost to me.

But still.

My parents and my daughter and I had a truly lovely time. We have one another, we support one another. We encourage one another.

I couldn’t ask for more.

I have posts i want to post, want to write, but just not yet. My head is in a bit of a strange place and i find it difficult to concentrate for very long. But the time will come, I hope, when more frequent blogging will resume. My heart just isn’t in it at the moment. I feel such a whiny-ass writing posts like this and i’m sure you are all sick to death of hearing my sob stories by now….for this i apologise.

Much love to you

x

p.s. a special shout -out in thanksgiving for Sarah O for sending me my first ever Christmas card from Hawaii (yes there were enough stamps on the envelope darling girl!)….also to Mary Lou for caring so much about me as to enquire often about my wellbeing, and to Shell, for being a dear kind hearted friend. Thanks to all of you who prayed for me and mine,and  to family and friends who know me personally who have sent cards, emails, gifts, sent up prayers, provided generous hospitality and conversation etc….I LOVE YOU ALL!

p.p.s i hate naming individuals in my posts usually because I greatly fear causing offence by omitting to mention other people, please forgive me if this is so. It is not that you are not all important to me.

God Bless you

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29 Responses to Happy (much blessed) New Year!

  1. Jean says:

    Praying to St. Monica for you, dear one, and placing your intentions in the heart of Mother Mary, who understands your sorrow and your pain.

  2. Mary Lou says:

    What a lovely surprise! No one can know how you are hurting, but we all can and will continue to hold you and your family in our prayers. When you feel like you can’t stand any more, lay your head on His shoulder and ask Him to hold you up. Armed with God’s love, we move into 2010 with hope.

  3. Barbara says:

    (((((hugs))))

    Be Blessed Deborah – and keep WELL…

    B

  4. Suzanne says:

    You have never offended me and I haven’t done anything special but to pray whenever you come to mind, which is pretty frequently. I love you, dear sister in Christ and I am glad you have such a warm connection with family and supporting one another. That is good. I will continue praying for you. If you ever beed to whine..that is something you can do with me and not feel bad..if it doesn’t help particularly, well, still know I understand. One of my daughters just moved out without really warning us..along with the fact that she wasn’t thinking clearly at all about her finances and signed a year long lease…we pray for her …and I feel like someone just tore another piece of my heart out too. Why don’t they realize the pain they cause sometimes …why can’t they feel just a part of it at certain ages..who knows..who knows. We aren’t on bad terms exactly..I don’t know what kind of terms we are on as she is so quiet..hard to read and doesn’t always want me to know her deepest thoughts. Its hard…somehow, God will get us through this and we keep praying that they somehow come close to His Sacred Heart. Amen.
    Love,
    Suzanne

  5. Therese says:

    what a cross you have to carry Deb. Many prayers for your family especially your son.

  6. Owen says:

    God bless you.

  7. Sarah says:

    I have to say, I feel about this the way Therese does: what a cross. What a cross! I love to come by often to see if you’ve posted . . . I don’t care if you feel a whiny-arse, it’s your pain and you’re sharing and it helps us pray for you, I think! And, please know that I cover your beloved son in my prayers, too. Believe it or not, he would not be acting thus if he weren’t in some kind of difficult spot, too. And, I reckon you, as his mother, know that better than he does . . . which makes it more painful. Ach, I ache for you all to have to suffer this. It really stinks!

    On a lighter note, I’m so chuffed you got the card! I was too lazy to go to the post and have it weighed so there’s more postage on there than necessary, likely, yeah? 🙂 Anyway, God loves you, we (here, blogging friends) love you, and we love you (my family).

    It was lovely to pop in and see you here. BIG HUGS!

  8. antonia says:

    happy 2010. Sorry to hear what a cross you still have to carry

    God bless
    xxxxx

  9. Valerie says:

    As Jean said, pray to St. Monica.

    I know all to well what you are going through.

    All I can do is offer you hope and prayer.

    For my prodigal returned. And we are closer than ever. I pray that the same will happen to you, my friend. I never dreamed it would be possible, – but, with God, ALL things are possible.

    A blessed new year to you and yours!

    Love, Val

  10. You do not sound whiny at all. So glad you were able to enjoy Christmas. You and yours remain in my prayers. I entrust Wonderboy to the care of St. Joseph and St. Michael. Surely your prayers will be heard. Peace, my friend, and Happy New Year.

  11. Jennifer says:

    You are not whiny. I can’t imagine going through that. I will start a Novena to St. Monica for you tonight.

  12. Carol says:

    Deb, I have had 4 kids and one ex; hence, I have steadily been on someone‘s shit-list for 40 years, now –they just take turns. It’s what kids do — you’re on the pedestal, then you’re knocked off. You’re an enemy, then you’re a saint or their best friend. *sigh.. I assure you, it’s get-throughable, and I also assure you that kids need Mom far more than they’ll ever let on at times. You will hear Wonderboy’s deep thanks perhaps years from now, but you will hear it. It may be that he’s seeking manhood right now, and to him that means to align with a male, even at great emotional cost to everyone but that male. It hurts, and it must be terrifying, but I’m almost certain he will come around in time for both you and his sister. Always leave the Mom-door open where he can see it. I’ll pray for you and yours, but you can handle this, don’t worry.

    • ukok says:

      You have it in a nutshell, exactly Carol.

      When i read about your being on someone or others shit-list it made me smile because it really resonated with me. I feel like i am on someone’s shit list permanently, hopefully i can be erased from others. You are right about kids putting us on a pedestal and then enjoying knocking us of it. That is so so true. I pray that just as your words echos because of their truth, that you are right that this is get throughable.

      Bless you, bless you, for your greatly devoured, words of encouragement.

  13. mum6kids says:

    Deb, glad you got through it all. Keep at it.
    Sometimes I am amazed by the crosses-the sheer weight of them, that little women like us are asked to carry and yet if we do, there is always a way through.
    God bless you and may he make a least a portion of that cross more like balsa wood and a little less like stone.

    • ukok says:

      V ery insightful comment Schell. I too am amazed by the crosses we are called to carry, but then sometimes i am negative about them and think ‘i should be handling this better’….but then again, at least i’m not giving up! Bless you for the balsa wood thought…i love the way your mind works.

  14. Sorry to post this non-sequitur on your blog, I hope your readers will not find this objectionable. My name is Andrew McNabb. I am an American writer and the great grand nephew of the great Dominican priest, Fr. Vincent McNabb (d. 1942: prolific writer, lead speaker for the Catholic Evidence Guild at Hyde Park, Distributist and close friend of Chesterton and Belloc.) I am the author of a short story collection, The Body of This, that many are considering “Catholic” literature. Joseph Pearce, in his cover blurb, describes the book as “as radically transforming as viniculture, transforming the water of everyday experience into the wine of life.” In Standpoint Magazine (July/August,) Piers Paul Read referred to the book as “exquisite.”

    The book is important because, as can be seen in the variety of outlets where it has been reviewed, it has found a home with both a Catholic and a secular audience. There is not much writing these days that can make that claim. Sadly, Catholic or Christian writing has largely been reduced to the syrupy, the sentimental. More about me and the book (with links to reviews—including the review in the current issue of New Blackfriars Review) can be found at http://www.andrew-mcnabb.com/ and, importantly, can be purchased here.

    My publisher is small and the promotional budget is modest. Whatever resources the publisher was willing to put toward the book have been expended in the States. I know that the book can find an audience in the U.K. Please help me to spread the word. Thank you! And if you do manage to find the time to post—please include the Amazon U.K. link! http://www.amazon.co.uk/Body-This-Stories-Andrew-McNabb/dp/1934866059/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1246142696&sr=1-1

    Many blessings!

    For more info about me and The Body of This, please visit http://www.andrew-mcnabb.com/

  15. Eva says:

    Just letting you know that I think of you, keep thinking of you and keep thinking and praying for your family.

    • ukok says:

      Eva, your prayers are greatly appreciated, hope you and your family are all well, i must get over to your blog soon. Thanks so much for stopping by and for leaving a comment.

  16. Sarah says:

    Stopping by to let you know you’re never far from my thoughts and always you are in my prayers. 🙂

  17. Suzanne says:

    Hoping you come back to visit us soon. Miss you..was praying especially yesterday for you, actually. Prayers ongoing. Love, Suzanne

  18. I’ve been quite behind on blogs this month, so am just finding this now. Please know you and your family are always held in my prayers!

  19. Elena says:

    I miss you Deb – hope all is well. Definitely asking St. Monica’s intercession as well.

  20. Cathy says:

    Just checking in to see how you are doing!

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