Of your charity

Thank you so much for your prayers, they are very much appreciated.

I do feel a pest begging more prayers, but i can’t tell you how desperately Dad needs them…though i shall try.   The past 48  hours have been so fraught for us all.  Everything came to a head yesterday morning when after we had spent part the night with Dad…and come back home for a few hours rest, we recieved a phone call telling us to come to hospital as Dad may not have long left.  When we arrived a doctor took us in to a room and told us that Dad’s heart is terribly erratic and under a lot of strain and that the pneumonia is now back and that he has fluid developing  in his lungs. She actually said that she thought he would have ‘gone’ before we got to the hospital…and it only took us half an hour to get there.

He rallied all day and all night and we were advised for close family to come to see Dad while there was chance. My brother and his girlfriend were on a weekend break but came as soon as we called, they spent a good few hours at the hospital with us all.

My brother made the long  journey back home and we  (me, mum, my daughter) remained at the hospital. We took it in turns to stay at Dad’s bedside but by 2.30am this morning (Tuesday) my daughter was slumped over in a chair so i took her back home. A couple of hours later the hospital phoned to say Mum needed collecting as she too was poorly….the nurse had taken her blood pressure and it was ‘sky high’.

I drove back to the hospital at about 4.30am and picked mum up and brought her home. As Dad seemed to be resting at last (he has had such a terrible and restless and labouring  time of it these past few weeks in hospital) we decided to stay at home a few hours to get some rest and that is what we did…making intermittent phone calls to the hospital to find out how Dad was.

The doctor has advised us yesterday that Dad’s heart will probably stop soon….but I tell you all, he is one hell of a fighter and today when we visited he is looking a bit better and he seems to have improved slightly. The blood clots in his lungs near his heart and his irregular heart beat, means that his body is tiring and he is no longer eating more than a spoonful or two of food a day. The doctor has informed us that Dad is on the strongest medication the hospital have. We just don’t know how much more Dad can cope with, and as awful as this might sound, when he sleeps, we pray for a peaceful end for him….then feel guilty for thinking it, because if Dad is fighting so hard to stay with us, we should of course stand shoulder to shoulder with him in his fight….we do try to, but it is so hard watching from the sidelines while each minute brings yet more suffering. I am pro life. I am all for natural birth to natural death, but even I can see how people who love incredibly ill, suffering loved ones may feel so desperately for them that they seek to bring their suffering to an end.

As gloomy as this post must sound, I still have hope Dad will recover from the pneumonia (made so much worse by  the everpresent C.O.P.D and asbestosis that he has), even a nurse said today that some men are so strong ‘inside’ that even when their bodies are frail and weak, that they can go on for days, weeks and even months or a year or more.

Someone mum spoke to at the hospital today said that he was visiting his wife who had been in the hospital continually for the last 51 weeks!

We do not know how things will go from here on in. Tonight Dad was quite lucid, yesterday he was close to death (although he did not know it and actually told us not to be upset as he could ‘feel’ that he was getting better! Of course, that made us cry more!).

All we can pray is that Dad has a peaceful end and  i implore you all to pray for this too. As crappy a christian as i am in my spiritual walk right now… (and i’m pretty damned crappy – haven’t attended Mass for months, but more on that another day)…i phoned the hospital back yesterday, after theyd phoned to tell us how bad things were with Dad…and i asked them to request a priest to come to Dad at his earliest convenience. Sometime yesterday,during one of the few brief periods when Dad was able to communicate with us, he did let us know that he had received the Sacrament from the priest.

In the ealry hours of this morning, Dad, though totally ‘out of it’ made the sign of the cross on two occassions and he said the other day that he had never prayed so much in his life. That Dad is turning to God in his suffering, is giving him comfort….and it is a help to us to know he has his faith still.

Rightio, will sign off here. Be assured that your positive thoughts, well wishes, prayers, kind words and caring are helping to uplift us at this difficult time.

Much love.

Posted in Home & Family, Uncategorized | 25 Comments

Prayer Request

Dear friends,

It’s taken a while, but i’m back in the blogging realm once more after a technologically forced break for the past 9 or 10 weeks. Advent, Christmas and New Year have passed and with 2011 was ushered in a whole heap of ‘stuff’ already.

Hey-ho.

(That’s another story for another day)

The internet eh?

I had hoped to at least have internet access via my mobile phone, but that didn’t work either. At first i was frustrated, then i got lots of things done i wouldn’t have got done had i not been absent from the internet for more than 2 months….but recently it began to frustrate me once again…and not just because i am a cyber addict…but because your prayers would not have gone amiss…. and i had no means of requesting prayer.

There’s a few things i will post about, not right now though. Right now, the only thing i want to say is that Dad is very poorly again. He has been in hospital with pneumonia for the last 10 days. At home he is on 24 hour oxygen when he is ‘doing alright’ (which isn’t actually alright at all, but is, sadly, as good as it gets for Dad). ..in hospital his oxygen supply has been increased to an extremely high level and he is being pumped full of drugs in attempts to get things under control. I say ‘attempts’ because it was thought last week that the pneumonia had gone, but then it came back with a vengeance and at one point the Intensive Care doctors visited Dad during the night and were umming and ahhing about admitting Dad to intensive care. Ultimately, they opted to increase medications and oxygen and to have him admitted to the respiratory ward (which is actually CLOSED at this time)….y’see, for a week he had been on the Trauma Ward where people with injuries/ cancers etc are…due to a…

Shortage. Of. Beds.

The Respiratory Ward is actually closed at the moment – though it has patients on the ward – due to the Norovirus being present and affecting some patients. However, because the respiratory ward has specialist equipment, not to mention, consultants who actually deal with respiratory illness, Dad was able to be admitted to the ward. We are praying he does not get Norovirus now.

So, how do things stand?

We are hopefully optimistic that Dad will get over this bout of pneumonia, though he is terribly weak and even without the pneumonia, Dad’s condition at its ‘baseline’  has become significantly poorer – Mum has now become his 24/7 carer. If you could spare a prayer for Mum also, that would be appreciated, because she has poor health herself and yet she still cares for Dad, day and night, without respite.

The main thing right now is that we still have Dad with us, and for that we are grateful. He is fighting his illness with everything he has got, and doing so without complaint, but it goes hard for him that he is now housebound and so reliant on others for his care. We are however, ever hopeful that there will be improvement in his condition and that when he is back home, that he may become more stable and able to enjoy a better quality of life.

Needless to say though, your prayers are coveted, as always.

Will sign off for now, but hope to resume normal (normal for me) blogging henceforth.

Much Love.

Posted in Home & Family, Prayer Requests | 23 Comments

Ketchup

Hello there my friends,

Thanks so much for your outpourings of goodwishes and prayers for me and mine, especially those for Dad. Dad is home from hospital but he caught an infection in there which we believe was caused by the catheter that was inserted and left in four days with some negligence on the part of those responsible, to ensure that it was emptied when it should have been etc. Dad has ongoing problems that has arisen now because of this and has had meds for this which have not got rid of the problem, so as of today he has to take another med to see if that will work. He just didn’t need any more health issues to battle. Neither Mum nor Dad are sleeping due to Dad’s poor health and especially these recent complications and they are both, understandably, exhausted.

In other news, my Darling Wondergirl celebrated her 19th birthday a couple of days ago. She is doing really well with her commute to uni and is blinding me with political and philosophical terminolgy that goes waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy over my head.

Blunderboy hasn’t been in touch and hasn;t visited my family at all recently, though he did want to see his Grandma and Grandad the other week apparantly, but Dad was in hospital at the time and then too unwell to receive visitors when he returned home.

There are days of late without definition, that blur and blend and before i know it a week has passed…weeks have passed this way, possibly months. ‘Can it really be November already ?’ I ask myself.

But of course it is, i know this.

I don’t really note the significance of any month any more, perhaps it is apathy, perhaps it is living in a cloud of medication and brain fog.

Does it even matter that i don’t know?

I notice some things, though not others.

I  don’t know that i notice the important or unimportant.

This past week i drove by tree after tree with varied burnished leaf colours…today i drive past those same trees and there are no leaves. One week you have something, the next it is gone. There is an impermanence in certain elements of my life. An yet it’s a cycle isn’ it? Old makes way for new, out of the deadness of the fallen leaves, there is left behind something new that wil shine brightly in it’s place.

Regenerating.

Replenishing.

Wounds heal, however slowly, as long as they are not to deep.

The deep wounds can be bound to stop one falling apart, but beneath the swaddling, the scars remain.

A reminder.

It can be hard to look for goodness when we are in a dark place.

It can be hard to see the sweet small mercies and sacrifices made for us.

How many blessings do I/we overlook every day?

I’ve been thinking lately:

1. Do i look to bless others with my life?

2. Do i notice/acknowledge/appreciate the blessings done to/for me by others?

3. Do I give thanks to God, daily, for the many blessings I receive?

4. Do I even acknowledge that God is the source of all the blessings I recieve?

Anyways, I got to thinking….wouldn’t it be great to have some place to write about how i blessed someone else or how i was blessed? I mean, I wouldn’t write a daily post about my blessings, but what if i dedicated a page of the blog to do so..and invited all who visit here, to share theire blessings with one another here so we could all enjoy the blessings we each have done or received?

So, I started up a new page of the blog where we can do precisely that. It’s heading is ‘Share your Blessings’ and at least once a day I aim to write in the com box about my blessings, and i hope that you might want to join me too.

Click this link to ‘Share Your Blessings’

Posted in Home & Family, Inspiration | 9 Comments

Blog Update

A brief post to apologise for being so negligent with regards the blog and to once more implore your prayers. Dad was rushed into hospital via ambulance late on Saturday evening. Mum and I left him at about 3am and he was having a really rough time. He has been very unwell since leaving hospital last time and he is largely dependant on oxygen for most of his days and nights but even this hasn’t been sorted out properly yet. Last week he saw his specialist who said he MUST be on oxygen for at least 15 hous a day…but the people who deal with the oxygen say Dad has to wait another month till his next oxygen appointment and then it will be sorted. As you can imagine, in the meantime Dad suffers terribly. He is being incredibly brave (as is Mum).

He is on lots of medication and has some oxygen at home, but not the quantities he needs, and of course, those damned chest infections keep slamming his body just about every week..as soon as his antibiotics and steroids finish he needs to go back on them.

In fact some of the tests Dad has had prove that there is only one antibiotic that now works on him and he has had a years worth of other antibiotics that have done naff all, interpersed from time to time with the one antibiotic that does actually work (though the docs who prescribed it didn’t know at the time).

As regular readers will be aware, Dad has asbestosis plaque on his lung(s), he has only 40% of his lungs working at any time and now he has blood clots (old and new) in his lungs, he suffers form C.O.P.D chronic bonchitis (the type that never goes)/emphysema. In addition to this they have now discovered that the right side of his heart is weak as it has been trying to do the job of supporting his inefficient lungs for so long and some of the blood clots are right next to right side of his heart which adds further complications.

We will be visiting Dad later on today. Since Saturday evening we had been visiting him in the A & E department as there are no beds available on the chest ward at the hospital where Dad needs to be assesed, so once again, he is being shuffled around from one ward to another while he awaits being placed on the very ward where the medics actually specialise in his health problems!

It is very frustrating.

Anyway, just wanted to let you all know how things are with Dad as so many of you have expressed concern whether here on the blog, via email or elsewhere on the internet.

Thanks so much for that.

In other news, Wondergirl is doing really well with her commute to and from Uni, clocking well over 400 miles a week of driving, bless her. She has made new friends and is embracing uni life in so far as she can when she lives so distant from it.

In still other news Blunderboy and i have not managed to work out our differences. Haven’t seen him now for months and don’t know when i will again. However, i have written to him a couple of times just to let him know i love him and miss him and of course, to say that he is always welcome to visit or to come for tea. He has chosen not to respond and instead has sought to effectively cease contact.

In better news he did actually phone my mum last week to see if he could visit. (whether it was because i wrote in my last letter that i was surprised he had not contacted his grandparents, or whether he would have done anyway i don’t know). He did visit my parents for a couple of hours last week. I wasn’t there. The main thing is that i know he is well and that he is alright and as long as i know that, then i try not to be overly anxious about the situation between us. (Easier said than done).

Rightio, think that’s about everything i have to say at this time…apart from that i am a bit torn about the blog….a couple of times i have thought about deleting it but i have resisted the temptation. I suppose i feel that i ought to blog more regularly, but then if i am not having a good day or family need me etc, i don’t feel like blogging. Sometimes i think there is something i would like to post about, but then it slips my mind or life takes over….as it is does…but i do think i shall blog again more frequently, when life settles down.

How can i put this…i just don’t feel that i can ‘do deep’. I don’t want to blog frippery, but i just do not have the mental headspace for ‘deep’ posts of any sort. I may however, get back into blogging about my more creative side and what i’m getting up to when i do have the energy or time to let fly creatively. Maybe that might be of interest to some who pass this way? What say you?

Please know that i remember you all at Mass and think about you often and I am very thankful for your kind words, encouragement and your support for me and mine.

Posted in Uncategorized | 16 Comments